"Give your children regular doses of Vitamin "N," as in "No." "

3 yo tantrums and defiance


My daughter (35 months old) is usually an obedient and a happy child who is eager to please. She seems to have come out of the terrible twos. She has recently started family daycare just once a week for 8 hours each time. She is still adjusting to this routine and will cry hard upon separation. After daycare, she comes home and is happy to be home. However becomes defiant and answers back rudely when I tell her not to do something ie. I'm not! (in a tone of voice that I don't tolerate ie disrespectfully loud voice), in which case I will calmly dole out a consequence and ask her to go to her room to stand by the corner. This triggers a tantrum (obnoxious crying and banging). The tantrum can go on for more than 30 minutes in which the crying and screaming will escalate to seemingly no end. When it finally stops, the defiance is usually still present and she seems even more determined to disobey in which case I would give a spanking. But no, this doesn't always work and results in more crying and tantrums - seems like a vicious cycle which ends in a subdued child. I fear of being too harsh?? It's not just daycare that this is happening, it's when we go out too and she has many requests "I want the pram, I want to look at this and that", after many 'No's" from us, she starts misbehaving, answering back, being defiant. In which case we state a consequence and bring her home. Now this too triggers a crying tantrum which we deal in the same way - room time. But the defiance usually escalates AFTER tantrum is done with. Why does it seem like we are aggravating her anger more by confining her tantrums? How much grace should we be giving since this usually happens when she's probably upset about daycare or tired in the evenings?

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