"Parents cannot effectively communicate their love to a child unless they are also a source of effective authority. "

Social problems question


To the person who asked the question titled "social problems". I have a lot of experience with the type of child that you describe and have a few questions that I would like you to prayerfully consider. If even one or a variation of one of these questions applies, it would be beneficial to work on a change of heart.
Do you speak negatively about other people and do not realize that you do this?
Has there been any anger or nervousness because of messes the child has made such as spilling things?
Have things had to be perfect when having any guests over or would you rather not have any guests as opposed to having them see a less than perfect home and family?
Do you emphasize the finer things in life, maybe even boast about having more than others or even put people down of lower standing than you rather than being thankful for the basics?
Have you in the past not let her make her own mistakes when speaking by speaking for her perhaps to save you from embarrassment, save time or to "help her"?
Do you let her watch too much news coverage or television without having conversations about the way the "real world" works or tend to put a negative spin on things?
If you have other children, do you switch back and forth who the favorite is without even saying a word or realizing that you do chose favorites?
Is there stress about going or getting ready for church or worse yet any negativity about God in your home? Do you go to church but not talk about God in your home? Do you go to church because you think there is some benefit to it but are fuzzy or off base about what the benefits are?
Have you ever made a big deal about who she was associated with?
Has anyone in your family talked about how "smart" other people are?
Do you send her to the counselor but give off "vibes" that if she lets out the family secrets that you will not be pleased or have not given the counselors enough time to build a relationship with her.
Have you ever lied and tried to kid yourself that your child would not notice?
Keep the faith but remember that it did not take many generations after the end of King Solomon's reign in 1Kings to get to the point of the downward decline to Ahab's reign in which they did not even try to show a pretense of an association with the worship of the one true God.
She may still have what others may consider to be "social problems" down the road but if you show her the "way" she may become the person God intended her to be and be blessed because of it.
"May the LORD bless you and keep you....."! Num26:24-27
Original question and answer below
Q. My daughter who is now 17 has had a history of social problems. In elementary school she refused to walk in to a room where people were already there because she was afraid of everyone turning to look at her. She would rather go hungry at a restaurant than order for herself from the waiter. She was terrified of talking to adults, say any parts in school or church plays, and became very upset when she thought people were "looking at her". In 7th grade we started going to a new church and she sat by herself for 3 years in our youth group because she though everyone else was "talking about her." Several times in her life she has had absolutely no friends, or has clung to a friend who was abusive or treated her like a doormat. We have taken her to counseling but she won't talk to the counselor, and had her tested for learning disabilities and several other disorders but she is normal. This never made any sense to us until I stumbled across a website on "social anxiety disorder" and the symptoms described her exactly. I'm not a fan of labeling behaviors that fall outside the norm as a disorder, but I wondered what your thoughts were.

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