Question
One of your articles said parents should stop acting confused. But I am confused. I think I am creative and motivated, but I can't seem to do this right. I have two teenage daughters and a 4th grader. I just don't know what to do. I have chores for the kids that they mostly do. Except every day someone (or several) don't do part of their chores or don't do them up to expectation. I'm walking around playing quality inspector every day. I just feel like that is not teaching them to be responsible - they are doing as little as they have to keep me satisfied. They claim that I expect them to be perfect (that kind of hits me where it hurts because I worry about being a perfectionist. However if you saw my house now, you'd know I'm not!)They are rude to me when I rock the boat. I try to ignore it - let them have the last word, but the rudeness and disrespect wear me down and it gets pretty ugly sometimes. Plus it's a point of disagreement between myself and my husband. Another problem I have is that we live way out in the country and I don't know how I would apply the curfew to the teenagers. Anywhere they go, I have to drive. I'm not going to pick them up all hours of the night. How can I give them freedom when they are completely dependent on me? As a side note on that, my older child is old enough to get her license, but she won't because I expect her to pay half of driver's ed and pay for the increase in insurance. Is that unreasonable? I just want her to realize the cost in hopes of increasing her responsibility. I could choose to not drive them, but I want them to have friends and do stuff. Both teens are on the B honor roll, but one of them doesn't do a lot of her work. She picks and chooses what assignments she will do based on how well she likes the teacher or assignment. Do I ignore this because the schoolwork is her deal? I want my kids to be hard working and responsible, but I don't think that's what is happening. They only do what they have to do. Is that all I can expect? And one of the girls has a boyfriend and they are always hanging on each other. I tell them to stop and it's always - we're not doing anything - can't we cuddle? Or something like that. I guess what it all boils down to is that I am always second guessing myself and choosing to listen to them. My husband and I are at odds because he thinks I'm too lenient which is probably true. I think he's too harsh. I'm ready to resign. I seriously would like to give up because I don't know what to do. All I want is for my children to be hard working, responsible and respectful. Is that too much? Knowing that is what I want, do I come down on every behavior that does not work towards that goal? Please help.
