3 yo twin boys are being 3 yo twin boys

Question

I have almost 3-year old twin boys. They are both getting really testy. They know exactly where the line is and they get as close as possible to that line. It's so frustrating! I want to stop the testy attitudes, not just stop specific behavior when it crosses the hard red line. I admit I have sometimes reacted in anger when they do this.The testing is so subtle sometimes that I try to ignore the tiny little things because they seem too petty to mention, and sometimes I'm not sure if they're just acting their age and I need to relax. I feel like I'm letting them get away with a tiny bit of testing at each point of conflict just to prove their point, and in the end I feel like they are the ones winning and I just feel mad. I hate that there is that dynamic in our relationship. I think they've reached the point where I can expect general good behavior without having to verbalize every specific thing that's a no. How can I make things calmer and clarify boundaries so they don't keep testing?

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