custody and stepparent issues


My husband and I have asked his ex-wife, and mother of our two girls, 12 and 5, to meet with us to talk about the 5 year olds school next year and the schedule.
The first question I have is that she has told him that she will speak to him about the girls, there's no reason for me to be there. Should we push the fact that I am also the girls parent and my husband's wife and I will be involved in discussions about them? Or should we let it go?
My next question is that right now there is an outdated parenting plan in place. For the most part we have accommodated each other as far as the schedule goes. My husband is now a stay at home dad with our 10 month old so the schedule is 50/50. Although the parenting plan says that her address should be used for schooling, the 5 year has been going to prek at the school where I work for 2 years. Next year she goes to kindergarten and since my husband is a stay at hme dad, we think we should use our address for the youngest daughter since he will have to pick her up every day. The school in her moms zone is 25 min away and he would have to drive there twice to pick up both kids. How should we go about talking to the mom about this?

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