13 year old with pre-sociopathic behavior


We have had custody of my niece (13) and nephew (11) for 2 1/2 years. We also have two kids, a son (10) and daughter (7). My sister is an alcoholic, abusive, has organic damage and personality disorders. Her basic approach to life is no responsibility and projecting her actions onto everyone else. Her parenting style is narcissistic, explosive, and pathological lying. Their father committed suicide 4 years ago and had been diagnosed with bi-polar. 3 months ago we withdrew our petition for custody of our nephew and he went back to Mom with protective orders. He protects his mom and meanwhile, our niece, is at the other spectrum and has taken the brunt of Mom's abuse and wants nothing do with her. She wanted her brother to go home way before we did so we don't think that's the issue. She has been a very compliant, mature, strong child until recently. However, she has begun lying to us about everything. Big things, little things, stealing. Not following house rules, rules with phone/social media (no access now) rude to us, mean to our 7 year old while buddying up with our 10 year old, she doesn't believe in God and refuses confirmation, takes my things and ruins them, poor hygiene, etc. Her excuses are that we are too strict, expect too much, we monitor too much, no social life because of our restrictions. We have gone to great sacrifice to absorb these kids into our home, and the entire family has spent 10s of thousands of dollars in legal fees trying to protect this child. She sees a therapist to deal with her parent issues. This is taking such a toll on our kids. We thought we would be able to move on without the tension and ugliness of our nephew and his Mom's relationship. Now this instead.

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