Clever 3 YO Distressed with punishment?


We have a very clever and strong willed three and a half year old son. I am home with him the majority of the time and am having a very difficult time getting him to obey me. I have read your books and am using alpha speech and being consistent. When my son does something wrong and is sent to his room, he becomes disrespectful and also attempts to hit me (though half-heartedly). He will refuse to go to his room and if I guide him or carry him he will attempt to come back out before I can even get out of the room. I have tried starting with three minutes of time out and then continued to add minutes until he decided to go by his own will, but that escalated to 51 minutes this morning so clearly that's not working. We have changed his lock so it is on the outside of his door but if we lock it (and remain outside it) he will use items to bang at the door or kick his bed until we are worried enough about him damaging something that we go back in to discipline him further. Please tell me how to handle this. He gets so worked up he can hardly breathe and I can't decide how to discipline him so that he doesn't become so distressed that he's unable to take something away from it, but also to instill the fact that he's definitely not in charge. Thank you in advance!

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