Question
My 8-year-old son has been disruptive before and during school. He seems to think his behavior is funny. Yesterday, he tried to stuff someone else's lunch into a different lunchbox (not even his own). He also took another child's Reese's candy when everyone was given one by the teacher. This morning, he unzipped another student’s lunchbox in the hallway before school, and their crackers spilled all over the floor.
He doesn’t want to admit to what he’s done, but it’s obvious he knows he’s responsible. He doesn’t even try to blame anyone else. Is he just trying to get attention? He seems content with the lunch I pack for him, so I don’t think it’s about wanting something different. It’s like he enjoys confusing or upsetting others and finds it funny.
Would you like advice on how to address this behavior or explore possible causes?
Answer
It doesn’t seem like your son has experienced any meaningful consequences for his actions that he can reflect on when the impulse to be disruptive arises. When he misbehaves, do you ask him if he’s guilty or tell him he’s guilty? Parenting requires a great deal of confidence. I often hear parents say they ask their child if they’ve done something wrong to encourage honesty, but this approach often encourages more lying.
When you know your son is guilty, use language that clearly establishes your authority, regardless of any protests, and enforce appropriate consequences. The book The Well-Behaved Child contains all the information you need about parent leadership to address your son’s behavior.
Start by changing your worldview on parenting—don’t focus solely on finding quick solutions. Solutions are easy to discard if they don’t produce immediate results, but a shift in perspective becomes lasting and more effective.
Gretchen Slover
drgretchenslover@gmail.com
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