Question
I received this message from the principal today regarding my child's behavior at school and would appreciate some guidance:
"I'm sorry to send this on a Monday, but I was taken aback by your child's behavior this morning. We received a message saying there had been screaming throughout the morning, preventing the teacher from teaching. Another teacher heard the noise and stepped in to help.
I know you recently met, and we’re working together to find ways to help manage these big emotions. Previously, the outbursts seemed linked to writing tasks, but today there were similar reactions while playing with shape block tangrams and during a reading activity. I let your child know that if these outbursts continue, I may need to call one of you to come pick them up, as it is impacting the learning environment."
Answer
My career as a 34-year educator included classroom teaching as well as serving as an assistant principal and principal. Principals only intervene in classroom discipline issues when the disruption is significant, as was the case here. Since the groundwork was laid with your son that any future outbursts of this nature would result in his parent(s) coming to get him, that action needs to occur.
All children, even those with various limitations, need to be taught acceptable behavior and receive consequences when their behavior is unacceptable. And all children need to feel unconditional parental love and view his parents as the authoritative leaders of the family. I urge you to thoughtfully reflect on the degree to which you are clear in your expectations and consistent in applying consequences for non-compliance with your son. This is a critical step in the child-rearing process. Quite often, parents 'think' they are being consistent though, in reality, they are not. Successful family leaders say what they mean and mean what they say.
The bottom line is that your son needs to understand unequivocally that his behaviors at school were completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Should he choose to behave in a similar manner again, pick him up from school and confine him to his room for the rest of the day (except for bathroom and meals, of course); no television, electronics, etc... The goal is to nip the behavior in the bud. As such, in order to make a serious impression, consequences for misbehavior must be highly meaningful to the child.
Well-behaved children are happier children. Now is the time to instill in your little one what is and is not acceptable. For that to occur, you must take the reins and act swiftly when unacceptable behavior occurs; lengthy dialog is not necessary. A calm tone and authoritative consistency are key. Stay the course; no giving in or giving up.
Sincerely,
Sharon Lamberth
Certified Leadership Parent Coach
sklamerth17@gmail.com
parentwithconfidence.org
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