Question
I will soon be beginning college classes (from home) but I’m wondering how to balance being a wife, child rearing, house keeping (and all the laundry and cooking), and find time to study and do my homework. I feel like whenever I sit down to read a book that’s when my 1 year old falls off the couch or my 2 year old has an accident. It’s hard to focus when I have to stop and help off and on. They play decently alone but always have diapers that need changed, accidents, crashes, get hungry, etc. right when I start being able to read and focus. I’ve heard of other mothers who went through many levels of college and got master’s and doctorate degrees while having kids. But I’m not sure how to balance it in my life. I know that college is the right thing for me but the balancing act is worrying me. Do you have some wisdom or advice for this?
Answer
First off, understand your life at this time from a fact standpoint. Every role that you play takes your time. Some requires a lot and some a little, some more on certain days and less on others. Now recognize you have two young children at home that still need a significant amount of your time during their waking hours and on the occasion sleeping hours. This will change as time goes on. Lastly, please don’t compare yourself to others; you don’t know their story. Yes, it is a great motivator to know that another mom was able to achieve her educational goal etc. while having kids. You can too!
Balancing acts can be tricky because everything will ebb and flow from month to month, week to week, day to day, sometimes minute to minute. Start to recognize what typically happens in your day/week/month that is consistent. When you know that you have a better understanding if and when you can carve out time to read, focus and study. Which might not be the time your little’s are awake. Just realize that the best time might be at night when everyone that you are caring for is asleep or in the early morning before everyone wakes up and needs you. This does not mean 100% of the time you won’t be needed late night/early morning. When this happens breathe and adjust as best as you can. Have a game plan now of when that does happen when can you make it up. You missed your study time because of life. Your game plan then should activate, so you don’t get frustrated that you missed your time.
Lastly, ask for help where and when you can. As I mentioned above every role that you play takes your time. Now that you are adding a role two thing can happen you have time for that role or not. If it is the later that means something(s) need to be someone(s) else’s responsibility. For example, instead of spending the hour plus grocery shopping you now order online and pick up or have it delivered. Instead of you doing all the elements of laundry (gathering, sorting, washing, drying, folding, and putting away) someone(s) else is responsible. For example, your husband gathers, sorts and puts away. Or you have a laundry service. Or you take everything to a Laundromat and do it all at once in half the time.
Just know you are able to do this. Know that as time goes on things will change and could get easier as the new routine becomes the norm. Or you realize something isn’t working anymore and you need to adjust. You are not alone in this and speak to those that are close to help you figure this out and work through it so it is as best as it can be for you to be successful while still satisfying your other roles.
Congratulations on your new endeavor to go after higher education! As a mom!
Amy Timberlake
Certified Leadership Parenting Coach
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