Question
Hi,
I have a 17yo son that we discovered last year was sneaking out at night. Once grounded and electronics taken away he began vaping. Got a girlfriend and grades began to drop. Got his first C. New school year and he gets 2 more C's and D's and now has F's. He says he is depressed and cuts himself. He has anxiety as he feels nauseas all the time and does not want to go to school. His SAT's are 1380, and he used to get straight A's. He stays in his room 90% of the time and does not socialize with the family. We have found marijuana vape and regular vape in his possession. His football and wrestling have suffered. We have threatened to send him to military school or a private school to get him away from the girlfriend and the crowd he hangs with. This may have to happen once the report card comes out and we see his current F's. He is ruining himself and is spiraling down we feel like. Letting all his hard work go. He refuses to see a counselor. Lies all the time about getting off the vape and doing his homework. Teachers say he sits in class on his phone and doesn't pay attention. Money is missing from wallets and he has drained his savings and stock accts (about $1000) buying fast food and gifts for girlfriend, etc. We have sat him down and told him we are letting him run his school work on his own learn from his mistakes and allowing him to make the adult decisions he is making (sex, drugs, vape) but have told him these are the consequences of pregnancy and getting caught with the paraphernalia under age. We have forbid him from doing the illegal activities, but know he is doing it anyways. I know we cannot stop him from doing any of it or hanging with the crowd or girlfriend. We have read the teenage book from John. We have 3 other children that are great and have no issues. All get good grades. Is there any advice you can give me on what to do to bring him back around, or is he too far gone? When he is with us he is pleasant and a sweet boy, but I just don't understand where the lack of motivation, caring and unhappiness have come from. We have a stable loving home. Married happily for 18 years. Do we do something drastic like change his school? or Just let him spiral until he learns his lesson, or take him out of the garden and empty his room, take the car and electronics? He is very social/popular and spends a ton of time on social media. He has told me to stay out of his school work and let him figure it out on his own and learn from his mistakes. Which I have done but the grades keep getting worse. Thank you for any advice you can give.
