Question

We have an 8-year-old son who throws violent tantrums. He has always been “a handful” so these fits aren’t anything new, they’re less frequent but much more destructive. In the past, we had a little success with the ticket system for tantrums around 3 - 5 years old, but not enough. We’ve also used the "doctor’s advice" and put him to bed after supper, which is what we’re still currently doing. My question is: What do we do during his fits of rage? He won’t go to his room to calm down if told to do so (he can pick a lock, bust a screen, and jump out windows - we can’t keep him there). He destroys our home by punching holes in walls, breaking lamps and things, and he comes at us with curtain rods or whatever hard thing he can get his hands on and hits us with it. He goes after his 6 year old brother and hurts him. If we put him outside and lock the doors, he throws rocks at the house, destroys lawn furniture and beats up the car. We try our best to stay calm, consistent and avoid power struggles, but it’s hard to do when he follows us around hurting us, his brother and destroying our home. After it’s over, he is required to put things right, save up/work it off to pay for damages, and be a part of repairs. We’ve taken all of his things away (privileges too), done the kicked out of the garden thing twice and he managed to get his stuff back after months, but he is resentful and still holds a grudge over it. When we take his things, he breaks his brother’s things so he won’t have stuff either - he goes straight for the irreplaceable things like toys grandpa made for him. But all that aside, my question is, what do we do during his violent rages to minimize the damage, keep everyone safe and keep him from feeling so powerful? It really sure feels like he thinks he is our equal even though we have always tried our best to use Alpha speech, maintain a firm and loving air of authority, etc.