"The child who is disciplined as well as he or she is loved is a happy, healthy child. "

Discipline Now, Get Along Later

Question

My husband and our 4 year old daughter do not "get along" very well and today we found out we are having our 3rd child that is another girl! (We have one boy, and now two girls). Does John have any advice for us on how my husband can "get along" w/ our daughter better? He backs off on disciplining her because she does not listen to him (We just kicked her out of the garden and have the sticker chart up!) and him being the leader in our home, I stay silent and listen to them bicker back and forth and it's not a pleasant experience and I know John would NOT approve! Helppp meee.

Answer

Hello, and thank you for writing. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Let's first talk about the need for your husband to "get along" with your 4 year old daughter. He doesn't need to. He needs to get along with you and the other important adults in his life, but not with his young daughter. The season of raising children that you're in with her now is the Season of Discipline, not Friendship.

What he needs to do with her now, and for the next 10 years or so, is say no and mean it, not engage in bickering, and be her DAD. He's not her friend, he's not her playmate. He is her leader and he needs to demonstrate his unconditional love for her and unequivocal authority over her. She doesn't listen to him because she doesn't take him seriously.

I'm glad that you've kicked her out of the garden, and that you've initiated a sticker chart. I hope you are using it to focus on one behavior at a time, and I suggest starting with following her parent's instructions the first time they're issued. Search this site for the "Ticket System" and use it to teach her that she must listen to and obey her parents or her life will be very boring and uneventful.

It's a process, things may get worse before they get better, but if you both are calm, concise, confident and consistent she'll get the message. Please write again if you need further guidance or clarification.

Warmly,
Wendy Faucett
Certified Leadership Parenting Coach
wendyfaucett@gmail.com
Facebook: Love & Leadership Parent Coaching

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