Question
I’ve read the question “Resetting the dial” - while we don’t have a big family, we do want to start having some family rules e.g. Come when you are called, do not disturb the family peace, getting morning routine done on time, assigned chores to be done, and TV/play only after homework, respect for elders and visitors (The kids don’t answer questions asked to them, or greet without prompting! Or answer without eye contact). The chores and homework don’t get done without pushing and nagging (I know! We shouldn’t!). They waste a lot of time doing a few things. We get home from school at 3:40pm, and then there is homework, music practice and some chores, plus shower time (of which my daughter takes 30 minutes or more!) . I teach piano 3 week days from 4-5pm and I require them to do homework in that hour unsupervised. Often, the two kids will argue when I’m teaching, and interrupt my lessons in various ways before I sternly tell them to go do their homework. This happens fairly often. At 5pm when I’m done teaching, homework is still being done and we run behind time with many things. Often there isn’t even time for play, or music Practice, and much less, chores! I’m constantly having to monitor the time and tell them to hurry and rush. It’s very, very stressful and nobody’s happy. By weekend, I’m ready to let them run wild and can’t be bothered telling them to do their chores. I’m finding a great deal of passivity here, and I have no idea what kind of consequences will make them sit up, without affecting the whole family. E.g. make them miss a party? Or they don’t go to a planned family outing? (Seems disruptive). Sending them to their rooms, full of books and things to move out also is incredibly disruptive as I have to move everything out /or in depending on how they behave. The early bedtime consequence also tends to be incredibly stressful for the whole family and my husband does not like it either, as he gets home at 6:30pm and wants to have dinner and time together. Do you have any advice on how to organise consequences (or ideas) around family rules? Where do I start with those family rules when most of them are being ignored?
