Too Many Expectations for 9-Year-Old

Question

My daughter is 9, she is very respectful (although disobeying and arguing are not respectful) and has great manners ("yes ma'am", "yes, sir"). She has given me a run for my money her whole life and I've done it all as far as disciplining, grandma's way. She currently has nothing in her room, early bed times most nights and a loss of sweets, because she loves them so much. I am at my wits end with her and it is exhausting to be around her (I hate that I am saying that). My husband is currently on a mission with the Army so here I am again, alone, and managing the child rearing. She lost it all because of HUGE emotional fits, not using her common sense and doing things when I'm not looking (albeit moms have eyes behind their heads) like scraping her dinner plate in the garbage after I told her to eat it all. Also, her grades are suffering because she is not focusing in class. I believe this influx of bad behavior is something that can be addressed and corrected at home, rather than go the medication route as some have suggested to me. I am running out of ideas on how to nip this in the bud and I am not acting like the mom I want to be. What else should I be doing to get her on track? As of this week I have resorted to manual labor when there is any type of screw-up. Other than that I am trying to hang in there till she gets her act together. Thank you for any help with this. P.S. at her age should I still use the strike chart but give less chances? And how do I get her to stop having overly emotional fits like screaming and not going to her room when I tell her and she bangs and screams at her door when she does FINALLY go to her room?

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