"Parents who always go out of their way for their children eventually lose their way. "

Continuing Challenges with 6-Year-Old

Question

Our 6-year-old daughter will go to school in a month. Some doctors say she has ADHD. We take much effort to prepare her for school as she is falling behind on knowledge that is required for preschoolers. To better cope with this task we hired a teacher. She is 19-year old girl who shares our values and also demands discipline from our daughter. We predicted that our daughter would not take seriously what the teacher is demanding from her. For several weeks we used “light” punishment in case of disrespect or disobedience toward the teacher.

One day when our daughter again did not show proper respect to the teacher, we decided to change our strategy concerning her behavior. That evening we did not allow her to play outside and sent her to bed earlier. The next day we gave her 3 bracelets and told her teacher to take away a bracelet each time when our daughter misbehaves during studies. We removed the most favorite privileges from her (outside activities and watching cartoons) and told her that these privileges will be back when 3 days in a row she does not lose any bracelet.

During the next 8 days no progress took place. When she lost all 3 bracelets during the day we sent her to bed right after the dinner (around 4 pm). When she lost just one or two bracelets, we let her go to bed as usual, but the main privileges (outside activities and cartoons) were not returned. Seeing that no progress took place, we also removed sweets and some other thing he likes.

She still continues to show disrespect to her teacher in various ways. For example, the teacher must say her name several times before our daughter pays attention to her. Also our daughter could polish her nails with a pen, while the teacher explained her something. When it was time to read, our daughter could close the text with her hand as a sign of protest. After the bracelet is lost, she tends to behave better, but for short period of time and she seems to be upset and promises to behave better the next day. There were a few days when I spanked her each time the bracelet is lost and after being spanked she behaved better till the end of the lesson, but the next day she misbehaved again.

Today was the 9th day of this strategy and her behavior managed to regress. Today during the lesson she closed her ears with her hands when the teacher talked to her and even called her names. She lost all her bracelets and I sent her to her room and told her to face the wall until my husband came home. I did not send her to bed right away because I have noticed that going to bed after the lesson (around 4 pm) does not hurt anymore. She seems to be ok spending hours in her bed and playing with her hair or fingers.

To sum up, here is our strategy:
1) She needs to save 3 bracelets 3 days in a row in order to receive all lost privileges back;
2) If she loses all bracelets during one day she suffers from long hours in her bed or as today facing the wall

Other Information:
1) During these days her 4-year old sister goes for a walk, watches cartoons and eats some sweets.
2) Our 6-year old and 4-year old daughters share one room, so in the morning when they woke up they enjoy playing together. Usually we are glad that they play, but right now we feel that this privilege should also be taken away, right?

Questions:
1) Do you think we should keep up with our strategy? Any amendments?
2) What would be the adequate consequence for her when she loses three bracelet during the day? (We sent her to bed earlier, but it does not hurt anymore)
3) Her birthday is in a week. What if she does not correct her behavior should we cancel her birthday party?

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