"How do you get a child to do what he's told the first time he's told? Don't ever repeat yourself. "

Why 17 YO Boy Lied?

Question

Last week my 17 year old son lied to us. Blatantly and obviously. Together we attended a school band event, the kids were allowed to stay for a DJ and dance. My son texted me and asked if it was ok to drive to McDonalds. I replied yes and he quickly replied "nevermind, lol". Later his brother who was in attendance said he went to McDonalds with a friend anyway. When we asked our son if he went, he lied and said no. We called him out and took away all driving privileges. He is a good kid in general and tells "white lies" like most teens. When asked why he lied , we got the typical "I don't know". We tested for drugs and got negative results. We have no idea why he lied.
My issue is his punishment. My husband and I feel he needs to regain our trust. My husband wants him to do this by performing all daily duties perfectly- waking up on time without mom, taking all medicine without reminders, being ready for school and church on time, etc. And no lies. (even saying he's awake when he's still lying in bed) Mind you, he didn't do this to gain driving privileges in the first place. He doesn't wake up with his alarm, he forgets his medicine (for acne), and is often the last one ready in the morning. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety, so these things are always a struggle.
I feel he needs a punishment that fits the crime. For example, losing car privileges for 4 weeks. At which time , he can drive only to and from school or for errands we request. If he breaks our trust , he loses privileges again for another 4-8 weeks. We have tolerated his "teenage behavior" of being sloppy, late and forgetful, so should we expect him to suddenly figure it out? I think it's setting our expectations way to high for him and aren't clear cut for the teenage brain.
Can you give guidance as far as punishment to learn a lesson that will fit the crime?

Subscribe To View The Answer

Please register and purchase a subscription in order to view the answer. Existing members please log in.

Continue

Return to Previous Page

View All Questions