"If; when your child does something "bad," you feel bad about it, your child won't. "

child sends mixed message

Question

I have a personal friend that went through a bitter divorce approximately 6 years ago. She has 4 children ages 14, 13, 10.5 and 9.5. The three older ones are girls and the youngest a boy.

The children are well behaved and are good students. The 10.5 year old girl has problems with her mom. She does not speak with her mom for days on end and writes hate notes that she posts on her own bedroom door. Comments such as "I hate my mom" and "mom is not welcome in my room". On the other hand, she sneaks into her mom's bedroom at night and tells her she loves her.

She participates in no after school activities. She does her homework and than most of the time sits alone in her room. The mom is afraid she may be depressed and could eventually hurt herself.

The mom thinks the dad says nasty things about her and this may confuse the girl. Therapy has not helped at all. I told the mom to step back and not ask her about her feelings. I suggested she leave the girl some breathing room and not ask a lot of questions about her feelings.

Any thoughts and/or comments?

Thank you!

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