"Children show respect for parents by obeying them. Parents show respect for children by expecting them to obey. "

Adult Daughter Troubles

Question

Hi John,
Thank you for your many books and tapes. I've listened to and read almost all of them.

My daughter is adopted from Ukraine. We brought her home 2 days before her first birthday. We have been having the "whose in charge" fight since one day when she was 4. She is going to be 19 in March.

She has had developmental issues and learning issues. But, she's smart. She's extremely hard headed. She lies to us. She does not have her driver's license yet. She does have her permit. She has a job at Walmart.

I want her out of the house. She listens to loud (offensive music to me) and has no self-discipline. We still remind her to brush her teeth, pay her barn board for her horse, etc.

My hubby wants her to "leave well." He is sick with an autoimmune disease and stress from her makes him worse. She picks fights with us both. As a Christian and a submissive wife, I'm waiting for him to have enough of her attitude and disrespect to kick her out, but I don't see it happening.

I keep talking to him about it being our house and her having to play by our rules if she wants to live here. I know part of her problem stems from him undermining my authority with her when she was younger.

Biblically, I don't know what to do. And from a parenting standpoint I don't either. When I talk with hubby, he says she's 18 and we can't take away the music, the phone, etc. She thinks she knows everything and can take care of herself, but she doesn't and can't. He won't stop her if she leaves, but he won't kick her out because he thinks God hasn't released us to do that.

Please help.
a 54-year old who was raised like you. :)

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