I am divorced and remarried for 16 years. My ex cheated on me multiple times. Since our divorce which was a 3rd marriage he has been married 3x since. His most recent wife is 30 years his jr and a foreigner. My ex was never around for his children but now that my son is 20 he started coming around. I encourage the relationship as I knew my son yearned for his father’s attention. As the months passed I noticed a strange standoff-ish attitude from my son. My ex convinced him to move in with him. My son said Dad wants to bond with me and Dad will allow my girlfriend to sleep over. I won’t. He also questioned where all the child support his father gave me was and why it wasn’t given to him. I had recently refused to pay his car insurance because I felt it was important he work for it. The following week I received a notice to appear in court. My ex wanted child support from me. Fast forward, my son has been supposedly living with his father, new step mother and her kids from 2 different men. I see his car at his girlfriend’s parents house for days at a time. He has grown further and further apart from my husband (who raised him!) and me. This past holiday, regardless of his disrespectful attitude, I spoiled him for Christmas. My husband did not agree with this. On Christmas Day last minute my son told me he was busy and said he would stop by the day after. I was heartbroken and had an argument with him. He keeps saying that there’s 2 sides of the story and understands his dad now. God only knows what lies this man told my son. My husband and I are baffled and heartbroken.
My question is should I stop arguing with my son about his lack of respect and wait for him to come my direction? I feel like I lost my son.