Out of Control 7yr old


Hi, my husband and I would appreciate some advice on our situation with our 7 year old daughter. Her medication has become ineffective recently and we are at our wits end with what to do with her. We have worked with coaches during the years and have always had to use either tickets or strikes with the combination of medication but we have still had an incredibly difficult time with her.

The past month our house has been flipped upside down by her belligerently defiant behavior and unrelenting rage and we feel we have lost complete control as parents. She has always been a difficult child, having continuous problems since the start of elementary school. She has been kicked out of daycare and kindergarten, forcing us to place her in a "behavior school" for the past 2 years where her behaviors have significantly gotten worse. Her teacher has brought many issues to our attention recently. They include defiance, rage, being verbally and physically aggressive to staff and students, throwing objects at people when not getting her way, name calling, using profanity towards teachers, vulgar remarks about body parts, pulling down her pants, shaking/smacking her butt at adults, hiding under desks and in lockers, and locking staff out of rooms. She does not get along with other children at school or any adults in her life unless they are doing what she wants. And after all this she comes home with a smug attitude eager and proud to tell me that "she already knows she's going to her room". She does not feel bad about anything she does and does not show any remorse.

We are also seeing these behaviors in full force at home as well. From the moment she wakes up she is immediately defiant/confrontational/angry. She wakes us all up by banging on walls/kicking her door, jumping off furniture, yelling, completely aware what she is doing is wrong but thinks its hysterical to do anyway. Everything lately has become OUR fault as well. When she has a set time to get ready/eat meals/ do tasks and she is not done on time because of deliberately stalling( while making it obviously known ) she will put the blame on YOU that you didn't give her enough time or your being mean, etc. than laughs in your face about it. She will purposely defy which will result in a consequence that she already expects, which in her mind gives her the permission to to than lash out leaving us powerless and out of options which amuses her. The past month we have had to avoid all interaction with her as well as correcting her for fear of her explosive rage in these situations which becomes a problem not only for us but also our neighbors. She has made it impossible to be around her for even a few minutes without her taunting you or viciously "annoying" you to either get you to leave the room or have her be physically removed to hers. Even at bedtime she still attempts to annoy us through the door. She warns that she's going to "ruin our night" and begins kicking the door so aggressively that paint chips are falling off the wall. This is extremely loud and she uses it to control us to go to her to make it stop, laughs then repeats this after we leave. There is also jumping off furniture, deliberately stomping around her room, screaming every time she hears my husband and I talking in an attempt to make us stop talking to each other. We are lately forced out of our own living room to our bedroom to keep her from annoying us.

The biggest problems we are seeing at home is defiance, disrespect, (profanity towards us, name calling, talking back and sticking out her tongue), her need to annoy us (by being obnoxious and inappropriately talking about disgusting topics and making herself act and look like a baby) and by using her rage, stomping and kicking her door (all while laughing) as a means to control us. She knows we need to stop these behaviors because we live in an apartment and the neighbors have been complaining about her noise. When it comes to consequences such as losing blocks, she purposely does the "behaviors" on the list that result in loosing them and laughs when she sees me cross the blocks off often dancing around saying "yay I'm going to my room". She doesn't care about losing ANY privilege at home, giving us no leverage whatsoever. This is even worse when the school has newer toys they hand out weekly for rewards as well as use of an iPad as a privilege, which she enjoys more than anything she has at home. We have been walking on eggshells around her as well as the school. We are hearing a lot of bribery like "Ms. B. made a deal with me and said If I have a good day, I can have ice-cream" in an attempt to control her behaviors. Her punishments are more of a punishment for US, as we have our hands tied with her explosive reactions and she knows it. My husband and I are beyond stressed with the situation and would like to know what we should do at this point?

Thank you

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