When discipline doesn't work


My son doesn't respond to most of the punishments we give because they have been given repeatedly. I have never sent him to bed without dinner, though there have been many times the situation was so severe that it should have been done.
These days, most of my peers are of the mind that almost anything counts as psychologically-damaging child abuse - spanking, refusing meals until chores/school work is done, and definitely sending him to bed without dinner.
I feel pressure from outside of my household due to these standards. My son spends weekends with his grandparents from out of state. Long story short, these grandparents are my mortal enemies. They have very poor parenting skills and do not respect my parenting.
They aren't the only ones - my son's biological dad is mostly uninvolved, but certainly puts his two-cents in if he doesn't approve of my parenting. I also have family members on my side that would give me hell.
While I shouldn't care about their opinions, I worry that it will result in unnecessary drama and interference from people who have no business sticking their nose in my family unit.
How to I diffuse those who would turn this into a witch hunt without sounding arrogant and rude?

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