"Children show respect for parents by obeying them. Parents show respect for children by expecting them to obey. "

Overwhelmed Mom wants to take back her authority, but can't stop yelling

Question

My son is extremely defiant and NOTHING we have tried thus far has made a difference. Spanking him has to be done several times over, and is always accompanied by screaming, blaming, back-talk, and more defiance until I wear him (and myself) out. Other forms of consequences either cause an uproar or don't seem to make a difference. I have an infant at home and this is causing excessive stress in the family unit. I can honestly say I hate being his parent. I've begun implementing advice from John's book "Parenting by the Book" but it's still always results in me yelling, getting angry, and having him lash out at me in response. I spent so long trying to please his therapist before I finally realized he had no idea what he was doing. I'm at a point where I feel hopeless and don't know what to do to get respect. I don't really know how my question can be answered helpfully without more information. So, if I have to narrow this down to one question, I suppose it would be: What can I do to regain my position of authority and demand respect and obedience WITHOUT having a blow-out fight?

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