"A child who can't take "no" for an answer always has parents who can't say it and mean it. "

Grandma custody of 4yro

Question

My 4 year old Grandson who has always lived with me seems to be having some new concerns regarding his Mom. His Mom, has not seen him since Christmas Day, and has not contacted me to do so. Yes, I have permanent custody.

Lately, maybe once a day, he makes various comments about Martha (his Mom) under various situations. Last night at bedtime....he started talking about wanting her to come and play with him....last time she visited....they painted. He has no concept of her being his Mom. In his mind, Martha is another "friend". He at times wants me to call her, text her and last night told me he wanted to get in the van and ride around and find her house. Recently while he was in the shower, he told me he was "Martha's boy" but Grandma's sweetheart. I don't really think he realizes she is actually his Mom. He has cousins, that live with their parents, my older daughter's children.

I have asked Martha before to set up a regular visitation schedule to attempt to regain a relationship with Zayn, but her boyfriend, drugs, and now "job" always come first. I even called her earlier this week just to check on her....hoping she would suggest us talking about some sort of visitation....she didn't even mention Zayn. However, he was not aware of my call to her.

I am at a loss. I will not allow her to casually visit when it works into her life, that is unfair to Zayn. Other than. . Reassure him that she loves him, listen to him and respond honestly...I don't know what more , if anything I can do to comfort him. His emotional events regarding her usually occur when he is tired or angry with me over not getting his way. I do NOT mention her or talk about her to him unless he bring up the subject. I have before assured him that she loves him, and that right now she is making bad choices. (Something he can understand) I also tell him that Grandma loves him very much and will always take good care of him....and that's really all I can offer him....is that enough? Is there more I should be doing? I can't MAKE her come be a part of his life...and will not alow her to be a drifter in and out...for his own stability. Is ther anything else I can do to comfort this child, andpything else I should say or do?

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