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4 yo behavior more important than emotions

Question

I regularly read your newsletter, books and read QandA's on your website. You often talk about expecting our kiddos to control their emotions. I totally agree!! I regular tell my kids that if THEY don't control their emotions, that their emotions will control THEM. However, I'm wondering if you could give some tips on how to accomplish said goal. I have a 4 year old boy who struggles to control his emotions. I'm wondering what are developmentally appropriate expectations with a 4 year old boy's emotional control. I want to start with realistic expectations. And then, do you have any tips on teaching/training him to control himself. He regularly just loses his mind when something doesn't go his way (or even if he THINKS something isn't going to go his way) i.e. screaming, falling on the ground, saying "Aaahhh" in that whiney tone every parents despises, etc. It seems like a knee jerk reaction. When this happens, he has a designated spot in the hall where he can stand with his head on the wall or sit on the floor until he calms down. I either direct him there or carry him there where he stays until he's calm. Once he's calm we discuss whatever happened and reiterate its always best to say calm and control your emotions. We've been doing this "designated spot" thing for quite a few months and his emotional control doesn't seem to be getting much better (he has gotten better at going to his designated spot when directed and staying there until he's calm, however) and is this designated spot thing is tough to utilize when we are at the grocery store, library or wherever and an emotional outburst ensues. Would love some feedback! Thanks!

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