One Problem at a Time


Dear Sir / Madam,

I am a homeschool mother of three children, a daughter aged 9, a son aged 6 and another daughter who just turned 2. My husband is a software engineer and gets home at around 6:30pm, so I am mostly alone with the kids during the day. My husband and I moved to Canada 11 years ago and had our children here. We have never had any help with the kids, we moved away from South Africa because of all the crime (and my family being attacked on farm) so we don't have any family here to support us. We are Christians who love the Lord and are trying to raise our children to love and honor Him. We have a few behavioural issues with the older two children at the moment. My daughter and her brother fight a lot! I usually tell them to sort out their differences on their own and to leave each other alone, but it seems to get so out of control that I cannot hear myself think and it gets me very aggravated to hear them fight. I try to be a good example of calm but very firm, but start screaming at some point of the day (usually later). Our house is quite private from our neighbours, but too small to hide from the yelling sound and I feel embarrassed that our neighbours hear the kids (and me) yell so much. We have reclaimed our TV, actually a computer with Pureflix and Netflix on it, because there were so many fights about control of the keyboard between the kids and too much dependence from the kids on TV and Minecraft computer game to keep them entertained. The kids tell us that we are selfish because we watch what we want and they can't watch what they want. My daughter has also become very disrespectful when she talks to me and are many times disobedient, we usually have a screaming match. I have implemented much of Dr. Rosemond's advice like: "Because I said so", not asking but telling and I try to keep a dispassionate attitude, but sometimes feel like a dictator. They have to do school work, then chores, but I have to admit I don't keep a consistent day schedule at the moment. I don't want to spank my daughter anymore, because I hate it and she's too tall and strong for her age anyway. I've wanted to put locks on their bedroom doors, but my husband doesn't like the idea of locking the kids in their rooms. It seems as though my daughter starts talking to herself negatively and then it escalates until she's gotten herself really upset. She has HUGE emotional outbursts. I confess that I have had them too in front of the kids (screaming and yelling), mainly because of all the stress having to do everything for the kids when I needed help and rest many times and they weren't being compliant. My husband and I love each other (we keep a united front) and our children very much and he's also strict but loving and deals with the kids about their misbehaviour when he comes home. We are both also very hard working, but I think we need more rest. My son has also been peeing in his bed for years now, we've tried an alarm etc but that doesn't seem to work either. If only there were more peace and obedience in our home, things would be much better. I really drains the little energy I have left. Thank You in advance for your kind help :)

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