Question
I have a 13 year old who lives primarily with me (mom and stepdad and half siblings.) She visits with her dad, stepmom, and other half siblings every other weekend. For the past several years, she (the 13 year old) has resisited the morals, lifestyle, and values her step dad and I have attempted to impliment. She is unable to maintain or make friends, and prides herself on being a 'loner.'
The past year or more, she has made all of us (step parents and father, myself) well aware that she wants to try living primarily with her father and stepmom. I have always adimantly denied her request; as I have felt this is not the best enviornment for her (although it is safe and she is provided for.)
Recently my husband and I came to the conclusion due to her behavior, and other factors that we would allow her to go and live there; in the hopes she will discover on her own that 'the grass is not greener' on the other side. In addition, that her refusal to be a part of 'our family' will not be tolerated. I assured her I love her and that she is always welcome back home when she is ready. I felt I have been a 'micromanager' of her in many ways- which she clearly resents.
However, we have provided a loving and somewhat structured home, and we have had expectations; all of which have not seemed to benefit her. We have tried counseling, getting her involved in our church's youth group, trying to ecourage friendships, get her involved at school: all of these she has balked at and has no interest.
My question is: Are we making the best decision by allowing her to go live at her fathers and allowing the natural consequence of her choice play out? The two households are night and day different. Or am I allowing a child to make a choice when I should be making the choice for her regardless of how much she will 'hate me.'?
