"Parents cannot effectively communicate their love to a child unless they are also a source of effective authority. "

"I would be upset if I were your age, too"


When my daughter starts yelling about a punishment or consequence, should we give additional consequences or say (as Rosemend suggests sometimes), "I would be upset if I were your age, too."

When is the best time to use that line?


Hi, and thank you for your question.

Here's my suggestion: When your daughter gets upset and yells about a punishment or consequence, remain calm and detached, look her in the eye, and say the following: "I would be upset if I were your age too. However, there's no need to yell, and doing so from this point forward will only bring on more punishment (or consequences or whatever)." And then make good on that if necessary. After you say it, go back immediately to what you were doing, as if nothing just happened. By doing that, you are putting the ball in her court, so to speak. If she chooses to yell some more, you dole out more punishment. Chances are, though, she'll just walk away in a huff. I've seen my own child to it too many times to count.

Good luck, and let us know how that works!

Laura E. Gray, PhD
Certified Parent Leadership Coach

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