Question
I have a question about our 5 year old foster daughter.
This is our first school age placement, and we aren’t sure how to handle some things. She is a sweet little girl. She came from grandma’s house where it seems she was babied and overindulged for a year (she moved in with grandma after being neglected by mom – Grandma told us to shower her with attention because it’s what she needed. Grandma called Children's Services and told them she couldn't keep up with her physically anymore). She’s been with us about 3 months. Our biggest issue now is that she doesn’t do what she is told almost all the time. The irony is that she is very pleasant about the whole thing and says she will do it, but then she does what she wants. She isn’t throwing tantrums or being violent – just passive aggressive in not doing what she’s told. For instance, the urologist said she has to try to go to the bathroom every 2 hours. I told her to go try and found her standing next to the toilet but not on it trying potty. She was vacuuming and there was smoke coming out of the vacuum – I told her to turn it off, but she just looked at me and kept going (she said she heard me). I know it isn’t anything like other people are dealing with, but when it happens 50 times a day it gets old fast. She just started a behavior reward system at school because she is pushing boundaries there too, and the teacher noted (which I agree with) that consequences don’t seem to make a difference for her. They don’t seem to bother her and the behavior doesn’t change. We’ve tried big and little consequences to no avail. She is very attention seeking/demanding, so we are trying not to feed into that with negative attention. She gets one on one time from both my husband and me, but honestly some days that doesn't happen because she is in her room in trouble again. Her room is stripped of all but 2 books and 2 stuffed animals, but she has a wonderful imagination and plays in in her room from the time she is sent (for whatever infraction happens) until dinner then she goes to bed after dinner. Going to bed right after dinner upsets her some but has not changed any behaviors. I feel like she is in this constant state of being in trouble which I'm sure isn't helping our cause any. We tried tickets, but as I said being sent to her room was no big deal. Any ideas?
