"A child who has learned to pay attention to parents will go to school prepared to pay attention to teachers. "

Lower the Boom on 18 year old son

Question

My son has just turned 18 and is a senior in high school. He had his first job this summer doing construction work with some people we know. He did well getting up early and they said that he worked well and hard. However when school started again he told us that they did not work weekends and he would need to find a new job. Well it has been several months and he has not attempted to look for a job at all. He said that he was waiting to try to get a new job in a store that was opening nearby so it would be easy for transportation. That store opened and already had the staff needed by the time he turned 18. He does not have his driver's license yet as we had a lot of issues with him in the past and did not feel that he was responsible enough to be driving. We were going to put him on our insurance and have him pay his portion, but I am fearful that he will get in an accident and we will be financially responsible for his irreponsibility. So my husband and I decided that we would pay the difference for him to be on his own policy, but he acts like he has no motivation to get a driver's license or job. We quit giving him rides to his events and sports practices and now he gets rides from his friends but he can not manage to be around and ready to go when they arrive. We have told these friends that they need to leave him if he can not be around when they are doing him a favor, but they don't. he continues to take really long showers, eating when people go to bed to make it look like he's not eating all the food, and doesn't do any extra chores to help out (b/c his is never home and it always doing something with friend or after school activities). I told him that he had to have a job by the end of the month and took him around to get applications which I had to pressure him to fill them out and told him he wasn't going anywhere until they were filled out. He has not applied to any colleges b/c he says he wants to retake the SAT for a better score so he can get into a physical therapy program. I told him that he needs to start giving up his extra curricular activities to get a part time job and start saving for school and a car but all he does it spend the money he saved this summer. He has the ability to do well in several areas and actually get scholarships but will not apply himself enough to really work at one thing to ensure scholarship to help with school. I have told him that the only way he can afford to make his senior year a social scene is if he does not plan on going to college and going right to work. We are at a loss as to what to do with him. Do we let him borrow an extra vehicle that we have around the house until he can get his own with the exception that he pays a monthly rental fee and pays for his own gas? Do I charge him rent since he wants to take long showers after we have told him to limit his time in there for cost saving purposes? Make him buy his own groceries? I feel bad about doing this when he is still in school, but I want him to be ready to leave/ go to school when he graduates. Regardless of him going to college, my husband has had enough and will be telling him to leave after graduation and I am to the point with him that I am in complete agreement of this.

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