Question
I have a son (14) and daughter (16) who I share custody (40%) with my ex wife (60%). We have been divorced 5 years. We live about a mile apart. Daughter has decided now that she’s 16, she doesn’t have to comply with the court ordered parenting arrangement at all anymore, and can see me at her convenience. I’ve offered to be flexible but I don’t agree to give up all my time. Mom does nothing to have daughter comply with the parenting arrangement. Son still comes over when he is supposed to, we have a good relationship. Daughter is holding a lot of anger towards me for insisting that she come over. She is frequently unkind and disrespectful to me, her brother, and her stepmother, and does not take correction well. At her mom’s place, she rules the roost. Over here, things are fine as long as we are having fun, but if she doesn’t get her way, she makes it miserable for the rest of us. I am not sure how to influence her to be over here even when she’s not getting her way. She has things like sleepaway summer camp coming up that I would be sending her to, but I’m reluctant to do that if she’s not doing her part in the family. I see camp as a privilege she can earn with good behavior and family participation, but some say taking away camp is punishment. Do I accept her refusal as just the way things are and make the best of it? Or do I try to influence her to continue coming as much as possible? What do I do about camp?
