"Don't ask a child a question if you don't mean for the child to have a choice in the matter. "

Being responsible for adult children.

Question

Our 19 year old son from my husband's first marriage returned home after his first college semester because he was having problems. We soon realized he had been on drugs. Our suspicion was confirmed by our son, per a conversation we had with him admitting it. He agreed to go into detox and a dual treatment center, which was out of state. He completed his detox and treatment and is living in a sober living house 'out of state'. It's been almost two months that he has been living there and my husband and I have been paying for everything, rent, food and medical. This house came highly recommended as they routinely drug test, etc.., but its very expensive. Our son is staying sober, attending intensive outpatient therapy and attends church on Sundays, which we are happy about. However, he has not gotten a job to help his cause. My husband told him two weeks ago that he will need to pay half his rent, food and gasoline at the beginning of next month. He explained that we would continue to pay his other half of rent, cell phone and car insurance. Our thought was it would be a good way to wean him off of our financial support, help him learn to budget and learn to delay instant gratification. He has been overindulged growing up and has not ever had to be responsible. So he feels a sense of entitlement and is immature for his age. We want to help support him in any way that is 'healthy' for his recovery, but without being enablers. Per recent conversations with my husband and son, my husband feels that our son is going to pull the ejection handle and want to come back home because he doesn't want to get a job. What should we do if he doesn't follow through by getting a job and/or says he is coming home? Is our plan and agreement with him reasonable? Thank you in advance for all tips and advice concerning this matter! I appreciate it!

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