"A child who can't take "no" for an answer always has parents who can't say it and mean it. "

Adopted daughter and extended family problems

Question

I have a very energetic defiant adopted daughter. She was diagnosed with ADHD. We have given her medicine in the past but after reading John's book have taken her off and are trying consistent discipline. So far it's working ok.
Mu family has never been supportive of our descison to adopt a black child so it has been a roller coaster with them since we brought her home at birth.
She has always been seen as the outsider in my opinion. My biological nieces and nephews walk on water according to my father, brother, and sister.
Recently my sister and I decided to take the children to the beach for the weekend. My sisters children don't listen to her, disrespect her, and still receive praise and are bought anything they want.
On this weekend I had to especially discipline and "stay on" my daughter who tries to act and treat me poorly the way her cousins treat their mother. 24 hours into the weekend my sisters 10 year old son decided to act fed up with the way I was always correcting my daughter and said so with an attitude. His mother said nothing. She actually stood there like "this is really getting to him" that I make my child mind and be respectful. I commented that it was absolutely inappropriate for him to comment on my parenting and announced that I had had enough and were heading back home the next day.
My sister is angry that I told her son he was out of line.
My question is, do I sepreate myself and children from my family? Personally I am fed up with being exhausted already with a difficult child and then having no support from them because she is black and adopted. I should note however that if I bring up the issue of prejudice in society which my child has experienced at school and in public they say it's all in my head. Yet they made a big deal and didn't even talk to my husband and me for 4 years after we brought our daughter home.
If I separate myself from them my children will have no family in our town as my husband's family lives in another state.
This whole situation with my family has taken its toll on my marriage and life in general for years. I just feel bad my children won't have any family near.
Thank you

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