10 year old Difficult, Defiant


We have a 10 year old daughter, the oldest of four children. She has always been the most difficult and defiant. I sound cliche, but it seems nothing can transform her, as we have disciplined as consistently as we can since she was little but to no avail. Lately her disrespectful attitude and tone towards me, her unpleasant disposition and emotional outbursts at home have gotten out of control. She is having a hard time adjusting to school this year after being homeschooled for many years, but I can't say this is the root of the problem.

For example, if she acts disrespectful to me (like "how many times do I have to tell you to not call me a little kid?!") or is sassy, I discipline (make her go to her room for 30 minutes or write twenty sentences), which causes her to do something else to get in trouble ("whatever...I don't care mom!" Or she throws a pencil across the room), so I further discipline (make the timeout longer and more sentences), then she yells, and on and on it keeps going. She is ALWAYS getting in trouble with me much more than my husband. She tends to listen to him right away when he disciplines, and isn't sassy to him. She complains about EVERYTHING, is so negative, NAGS us to no end about everything, has crying outbursts when she doesn't get her way, etc.

Another example, If we tell her she can't stay outside until 9 on a weekend night, she cries and nags and has an outburst. We just put her in her room the rest of the night. It's really anything she feels she deserves and doesn't get, she'll nag and get disrespectful. We discipline, she acts up, and so the cycle goes.

Everyday is tough with her, and it is really disturbing the peace at home. I hate that my other children have to hear her outbursts and us being mad at her, though we try to calmly discipline. We have begun considering boarding school in the future if this continues, even though it would be a huge sacrifice. Other than praying for wisdom, I am at a loss. We fear the road ahead...please give us guidance! I have started to use the daily check system, and am hoping that helps.

An Exasperated Mother

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