4 year old defiant

Question

Hello,

I have a 4 year old son who is bright and can be very sweet but is often very defiant. Today on the playground he was mad at another child and smacked at the child (who is smaller and younger) then threw his (the other child's) toy down the steps. I went to tell him to apologize since the other child was sharing his new Christmas gift at the time but my son yelled no and ran away, then he told my two year old to run away as well. I stayed calm but firm and said I wanted to talk to him and he continued to run away and got brattier yelling "NO, I'm NOT going to talk to you" and again, told my 2 year old to run away. I threatened to take him inside and not let him ride in his new car for a week but this did not phase him. So I waited until he came down the slide then I picked him up and took him home, leaving the car behind for my husband to get later. This of course caused a huge tearful scene. He's so big now it is impossible for me to physically pick the child up and I feel like he can't run away from me and especially can't encourage my 2 year old to run away (this is a new thing - telling the 2 year old to run away from me all of the time). I need him to stop and listen to me - heaven forbid he chase the two year old into traffic. I have two questions - A) Was I too hard on him? I feel like my husband lets a lot more go than I do. But I also don't feel like he is this disrespectful to my husband which is a whole other problem B) Is there a better way to handle this behavior?

Many thanks

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