Advice for Mom of 20-year-old


We have a son that is a 20-year-old middle child. He will graduate college in May. He is a very smart young man, has a wonderful work ethic, pays for many of his college expenses, gifted in the arts and music, can be very manipulative and is very effeminate. I started noticing this about 5th grade. I gave my husband Dr. Dobson's book about raising boys and bookmarked teaching boys it's fun to be a guy chapter. My husband probably never read it. He is a workaholic and very selfish. I basically raised the children except the youngest boy by myself. The youngest will fish, hunt and plays sports. The oldest is very eccentric, but a remarkable young Christian man. He was diagnosed with mild autism, but has done great. This middle child started downhill in middle school by getting in trouble, and having bad marks. By 15 he was driving us crazy! After hearing from a neighbor he was gay, I asked him and he became very upset and said no. I told him I thought it was a choice and why I believed this way. He disagreed with my biblical answer even then. One of his friends told me he was gay, too. I thought it best to get him with a different peer group, so I let him take GED (at 16) and go to a community college at night while working part time during the day. We made a deal if he had good grades and stayed out of trouble, he could go to a university. He had 4.0 and won several award that year. He made a 95-degree turnaround. He moved away and has done well with school and work. He is a waiter, is funny, has a great personality, so he makes really good tips. He says he hates where we live and will probably move to a big city. My 80-year-old mother asked me about him recently, because of his look and mannerisms. She is right and if I had to bet I would say he tells his friends he is. I have researched different options, but decided to pray for him and love him. I write all this to say is there anything I should do differently? He has become very liberal since moving away. I have made mistakes as a mother, but he is so sweet to me when I see and talk to him. He says he goes to church when he does not work, but he hasn't cared for the church since middle school either. He became a Christian at 8 or 9 and I truly believe he understood. I pray he did, but only God knows. I have sent him to some "Christian counselors," tried having the youth pastor mentor him years ago and none of it worked out. He even convinced the counselor at 15 that we were crazy, even after a lie detector test that was 99% sure he stole some money, but couldn't remember it. ( It had a medical name meaning memory lapse.The one before that said he is fine and will have a great college experience. These are examples of his actions before taking him out of school. I could write a book, but that's the gist of it. Any advice?

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