10 yo Temper Tantrums

Question

I have a 10 year old son who is home schooled. For the past couple of years, I have been dealing with angry outburst from him on occasion. These are usually over some issue with his schoolwork. Something will set him off and he will basically launch into a huge temper tantrum, He will throw things around, slam doors, and say very disrespectful things to me like he hates he, he wishes he had a different family, etc. I usually send him to his room and then he will proceed to destroy things in his room. He seems out of control when he is angry like that. I feel the situation is getting worse because he last couple of times I have told him to go to his room, he has flatly refused. Disobedience has not really been a problem until now. He also said a curse word for the first time during his last outburst.

I admit I don't think I am doing a very good job with dealing with him when he's behaving this way. I think I engage too much with him and I've done my fair share of yelling. I think I do too much "piling on" where I try to punish him for throwing something, then punish him for slamming his door, then punish for cursing, you get the idea.

I guess I need some advice on the best way to handle the situation when it arises. Do I just ignore him and then try to deal with him when he's calmed down? This is hugely frustrating for me and I'm losing sleep over it. I'm concerned about his anger issues and lack of self-control.

Thank you!

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