My almost three year old is adopted. Our arrangement with her birth-mom, was that we would allow supervised visits for so long as the relationship was healthy for our daughter. The birth-mom is also adopted, and has a good relationship with her parents, so thus far, she was been wonderful. Visits (a handful of times a year) have been pleasant and she's very respectful of my husband and me. She is loving to our daughter, but doesn't push herself on her. We call her by her first name but we openly tell our daughter that she is adopted and she knows who her birth-mom is. We meet in neutral, public places as well.
Birth-mom as had two other children in the last three years that she has also placed for adoption. We are close to one of the families and hope to meet the other one. All parties are Christian families, so we all share each others values and we're hopeful that the siblings will have a positive experience being allowed to know each other.
I love my daughter's birth-mom but her lifestyle is not anything I would like my daughter to ever mirror. She's living off of welfare, lives with boyfriends and has terrible hygiene habits. I've talked with the birth-mom about making sure we never meet a boyfriend of hers and that my daughter not know about certain things she does. Birth-mom is always agreeable to my requests, but has stated that she is not ready to change her lifestyle.
Do you think I'm unwise to allow my daughter this time with her birth-family? Do you have any considerations that I should think about? Is it appropriate for me to ask birth-mom to dress in a way that I find appropriate when meeting with my daughter?