Oh no - Auntie is coming to visit!!

Question

About a year and a half ago, my husband and I moved to another city due to a job change. I left my career and decided to homeschool my kids. Prior to this move, my 75 year old Aunt was our live in Nanny. She became very close with my 4 year old son as she cared for him while we were at work during the day for his first 2.5 years. She was very dominating (always has been) and was kind of like a boss of us all while we lived together which was very hard. Nonetheless, she has been like a mother to me my whole life and we love her. Now, we visit her or she visits us about 3-5 days every 3-6 months. Every time we visit, my son turns into a defiant monster. He is very well behaved otherwise. But when she's around, my word means nothing to him. He throws horrible fits and turns into a different person. My Aunt babies him because she misses him and feels guilty for leaving. I've talked to her about not babying him and supporting me in his behavior adjustment when she's around but she won't change. What's worse is when she was living with us, she was a very good disciplinarian and adult figure for the kids and taught me a lot of great things through her 60 years of experience with kids (now it's the opposite). I am so confused and helpless with this situation. I have no idea what to do. It's very hard on my son as he becomes an emotional wreck with her.

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