Follow up - 10 year old Kick Out of the Garden


This is a follow up question from the 10 year old boy kicked out of the Garden of Eden. On your suggestion we cleared his room and put up a calendar (which he destroyed); we did allow one library book and also noticed he had “snuck” in other playthings which we had him clear out. We’ve been adding on the days of confinement when he does not do what is expected of him or is disrespectful. He hasn’t made much progress on getting out of his room. Today I had a note from the teacher that he was disrespectful at school (do not have the details yet) and did not complete a project he had for weeks (he was hurriedly trying to do it in lieu of breakfast this morning). Our overall concern is his attitude—he is generally angry and seems to have given up. In sum, “I am bad so I will act bad” and “I don’t care”. As an aside, we also do not like the effect on the family as a whole. He has 4 other siblings and it feels that many times when he is with the family everything revolves around him-- he is purposefully loud, annoying, shows bad manners, is disrespectful.... It is exhausting. We all miss his funny, relaxed, helpful, “normal” self. I suppose our question is— is keeping him in his room sending a negative message to him that is making his attitude worse? And if not, what can we do to help him understand it is his behavior and choices that has brought this consequence? Or if being confined to his room is too much, how do we backpedal now? Admittedly his father and I do at times get frustrated with him when he makes bad choices and misbehaves and find it hard to show love and authority and instead yell or lecture or just show our frustration and annoyance. We are working on this but need help here too.

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