4 yo and Infant Sibling Conflict? No Indeed!


HI there, I have a question about sibling issues - a 4 year old girl and an 11 month old baby boy. She gets told off for being rough with her brother, pushing him and dragging his hand off the table so he falls down. He is more mobile now and gets into her things that she would be playing with or arranging, and she gets annoyed (so I understand her reaction). Hitting/pushing/being rough are currently one of her targeted behaviours where she loses a ticket. She tries other things such as switching off all the lights and closing the bedroom door on him whilst he is inside, insisting that he is standing at the spot that she wants to stand in so she tries to move him away..and the list goes on. Two nights ago, she sneakily put something small and plastic in his mouth and we heard him choke on something. She knew she had done something wrong (had been told many times never to put anything in her brother's mouth), quickly told me to go back to whatever I was doing. When caught red-handed, I promptly told her to go to her room. And then she threw a massive tantrum and staunchly refused to go. When put inside, she came out and screamed she wouldn't go in (but went back in because she was scared to defy any further). We took away her most precious toy (her bear) for two nights. And now her behaviour has amped up, hostility and competitiveness more apparent towards her brother. It is obvious to me she feels it is unfair that she always gets into trouble but her brother doesn't. I'm not sure how to handle this without pitching them against each other (which seems to be what's happening. I also can't ignore these things (I'm a parent who has zero tolerance for any meanness towards another person).
And keeping in mind, we are working on other problematic behaviours at the moment and have been for the past 4 weeks. She asked me yesterday that what she's doing is not on the list of misbehaviours. She is a very smart cookie, often able to disguise her defiance and putting two and two together in a logical way! What do I do?

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