Question
dealing with 4 year old tantrums
My daughter will be 4 in a month's time. She still has issues with tantrums. I am putting her in her room for the rest of the day if she tosses a fit, no matter how small. 3 days (3 stickers) to get some of her books back, and 7 days (7 stickers) to get tv back. The moment she tosses a tantrum, we start all over again. It started off as a tantrum every other day. She's managed 3 days without one, and then she threw a fit today over something small.
Should I be expecting zero tantrums at this age? What is a reasonable expectation to expect no tantrums...say, 7 days? 14 days? And do you have any advice as to when I should start giving back her privileges indefinitely? Keeping in mind I have other problems to solve, like whining and pushing her baby brother, jumping on furniture and rowdiness. Is there an margin of error here? She's human with sometimes intense feelings and lousy days - I can't expect her to stuff it down and simmer with rage inside. Can I? Or is this going into the realms of psychbabble? What is the definition of a tantrum anyway? Does loud obnoxious crying qualify?
Should I be doing anything to minimize tantrums when I predict rough spots in the day? For example, there are times in the day where she's more prone to losing it e.g. when she's tired after kinder, right before nap or bedtime. Or when we say no to something small, and she tries to argue and get us to change our answer. "Why?? But I really really really want it (whiny voice)" For example when I ask her to brush her own teeth, or pull up her blankets herself, She insists I do it for her. Small issues which she really pushes when she's not getting her way in other things like bedtime, and other commands from me. How much do I let go of here? Is it worth giving in to these smaller things to prevent a meltdown (in view of helping her). She's been doing this since she was 2. I see its control issues she's wrestling with us. Now she's older, she's ready for a bit more independence and a bit more say in things, isn't she?
