3 year old defiance


My son is 3yrs 10 months old and is becoming increasingly defiant, disrespectful, and belligerent. I want to kick him out of the garden but I'm not sure that he understands time well enough to comprehend what 14 or 30 days without his stuff means. As for now, he has 7 tickets a day, for obedience (doing what he's told, the first time, without a fuss) and spitting (his new way of expressing disapproval, trying to nip it). The first 4 tickets are warnings, #5 loses access to the playroom where all the fun toys are, #6 is a 1-hr timeout in his stripped-down bedroom, ticket #7 is the rest of the day in the bedroom and early bedtime when possible. I've also taken away his little toy cars (his favorite possessions, of which he has dozens). He gets one toy car back for each ticket remaining at the end of each day, however any incidents of hitting me, excessive defiance or belligerence and he loses them all again. So sort of a modified garden kick in addition to tickets. But his behavior continues to get worse, and he's lost all his tickets for about a week now.

His behavior yesterday, for example. In the morning at the park, I warned him not to throw dirt, he did it again so I said we have to leave now. He threw a fit, ran from me down the sidewalk, and kicked someone's car. Once I got him into our car he was screaming disrespectful things at me, e.g. "MOMMY! Turn that radio off NOW! You're so STUPID!" (he gets that from his 6yo sister who has a serious problem with respect, I'll ask about her in another question). When we got home I told him he'd be spending the rest of the day in his room. I helped him to his room, gave him his favorite stuffed toy, and he fell asleep. The afternoon was mostly uneventful, though he did hit me with a toy one time, but I had just been impatient with him. Still I took the toy away for the day. After dinner I told him to get in bed, instead he took out a bunch of books and scattered them all over the bedroom floor, then refused to pick them up. He shares his bedroom with two siblings, so I can't isolate him there in the evenings, and we have a problem with them getting all rowdy when they're put to bed early together. Tonight he was yelling, throwing things, refusing to cooperate with bedtime. Could I tell him that the Doctor says little boys who behave in such manner have been eating too much sugar and spending too much time looking at screens - no sugar and no movies or computer for a week (two weeks?). But I need to know, at what age can we do a formal garden kick and for how long should it be? His target behaviors would be hitting, cooperating with other consequences such as going to bed early, and calling me names, if that wouldn't be too much at once. During the garden kick, would we also keep using tickets to target the lesser behaviors? This is also complicated by the fact that we're moving across the country in 6 weeks, so most of their stuff will be packed up for at least a month or two anyway.

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