14 yo living with irresponsible dad


To Mr. John Rosemond:
I have a 14 year old by my first marriage who told me, my current husband, and my ex-husband that he "hated our rules, our house, everything!" and wanted to move out of our house (with his 3 half-siblings: 6, 4, and 2) and into my ex's house (with no siblings, and my ex's gay partner). In the state of South Carolina, once you turn 13 you are considered old enough to choose which parent you wish to live with, regardless of who has custody (I had full custody with my ex having visitation rights). At first I cried and begged and screamed at him not to go, and then everyone told me "Let him go, he'll see that the grass isn't greener. He'll be home before you know it." My ex also threatened to sue if I didn't agree. Now, a year later he still has not made any sign of wanting to move back home and insists he never will. There he has no rules, no bedtime, no limits on computer or phone or TV usage. When we get him for our weekends, he must abide by our rules, which ARE limits on all of the above. My question is how am I supposed to act when he IS with us? How do I convince him to come home again (if that's possible)? When he moved out, we told him the door was always open if he ever changed his mind. Now I am tempted to tell him he cannot come home again (if he ever wanted) without first apologizing to our family (his siblings, me, and his stepfather--who raised him for the past 10 years with me) and agreeing to abide by our rules.

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