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Blended family freedom

Question

I need advice. We have a blended family, he had two, I had one, and we had two together. Tonight, my stepson (14) said he no longer wanted to come to our house. He's "done with us and our house". We have rules, structure, etc. He has free reign at his mother's. No cerfew, no chores, no responsibility. He is "the man of the house". His mother has told him that he doesn't need to do anything he doesn't want to (including not coming to our house) and is old enough to advocate for himself. The court ordered visitation is Tues, Thurs, and every other weekend. My step-daughter still comes for those times, and sometimes stays longer. Do we allow him his choice?
I didn't come from a split home, so I'm having a hard time being okay with "if I don't like the rules at dad's, I can run to mom's" mentality.
What do we do? Allow it? Be okay with it? What happens at Christmas, and birthdays when he'll jump at the chance to come solely to get gifts? Please advice. My husband is heartbroken...
Thank you.

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