John's Articles
Charlie Babbit's father was right as rain, man
Posted on 3/8/2011
In one of the more paradoxical scenes from the movie Rain Main, Charlie Babbitt, the character played by Tom Cruise, tells his girlfriend the presumably poignant story of how a dispute over a car...
Read MoreConsequence Needs to Produce Permanent Memory for 6-Year-Old Tantrum
Posted on 9/29/2009
ISSUING CONSEQUENCES EQUALS WELL-BEHAVED CHILDREN From the Mailbag: A Charlotte woman writes to the Observer that I should get out in the real world more and meet the "mothers and fathers of...
Read MoreDiscipline is the Process by Which a Child is Taught to Think Properly
Posted on 5/5/2009
THINK DIRECTION, NOT CONSULTATION In her 1963 essay, "Total Effect and the Eighth Grade, " Flannery O'Connor's purpose was to argue for requiring children to read the classics that defined...
Read MoreConsequences Do Not Compel Human Beings
Posted on 12/23/2008
CONSEQUENCES DON'T FORCE GOOD BEHAVIOR American parents believe in behavior modification. They believe that the same principles that govern the behavior of a dog also govern human...
Read MoreDo Not Reward a Child for Self-Control
Posted on 3/18/2008
Reward self-control? Q. I'm working with my son on anger management when he is being disciplined. Is it okay to reward him with things like picking a family movie when he is successful at...
Read More5-Year-Old Girl Taking Things From Parents Without Permission
Posted on 12/25/2007
IS 5-YEAR-OLD MANIPULATIVE? NOT REALLY - SHE'S JUST CURIOUS EDITOR'S NOTE: John Rosemond is on vacation. This column first appeared in 1985. Of all the myths associated with children and...
Read More13 - Year - Old - Girl - Micromanaging Bedtime
Posted on 12/4/2007
TEEN RESISTING SCHEDULED BEDTIME Q. We enforce a 10 p.m. bedtime for our 13-year-old. She has to go to bed one minute earlier the next night for every minute she is to bed later than 10 the...
Read More5-Year-Old Boy Being Cruel To Friend
Posted on 11/13/2007
ZERO TOLERANCE FOR CRUELTY TO A FRIEND Q. My 5-year-old son plays with two other 5-year-olds. When he plays with just one of them, all goes well. Every time the three get together, he gangs...
Read More6-Year-Old Boy Throwing Wild Tantrums
Posted on 10/30/2007
ARE BRAIN CHEMICALS TO BLAME FOR 6-YEAR-OLD'S BAD BEHAVIOR? Recently the parents of a 6-year-old boy asked my advice concerning his daily, sometimes violent tantrums which had been ongoing...
Read MoreSibling Nonstop Fighting
Posted on 10/16/2007
Nonstop fighting Q. After school has become a nightmare in my house. My 7-year-old and 5-year-old fight nonstop from the moment I get them from school. They fight in the car all the way...
Read MoreSolve The Problem Of Messy Rooms
Posted on 9/18/2007
It sometimes happens that questions on a certain topic come at me in a wave, as has a recent spate of parental pleas for a final solution to the perennial messy room - a child's, that is. My...
Read MoreWays To Get Children To Pick Up Toys
Posted on 9/11/2007
3 WAYS TO GET CHILDREN TO PICK UP ALL THEIR TOYS Q. My children, ages 4 and 5, simply will not pick up their toys or books. I have reduced the number of toys, significantly, but they still...
Read More5-Year-Old Girl Throwing Tantrums
Posted on 8/7/2007
SENSE OF HUMOR IS ESSENTIAL FOR HANDLING REBELLIOUS CHILD Q. Our middle child, 5, is aggressive, loud and disrespectful when anyone dares to deny her or make her do something she doesn't...
Read More3-Year-Old in Timeout
Posted on 1/16/2007
Time-out turnaround Q: In looking over the last 25 years of your work, I've discovered that in one place you said a 3-year-old should spend no more than three minutes in time-out, but in...
Read MoreRude, Disrespectful 8-Year-Old Has Bullying Behavior
Posted on 11/14/2006
STOP 8-YEAR-OLD'S BULLYING BEHAVIOR BEFORE IT GETS WORSE Q: My 8-year-old son is a poor sport. He's been asked to leave several sports programs because of rudeness to other players and...
Read More8-Year-Old Motormouth is Loud and Constantly Interrupts
Posted on 9/12/2006
HOW TO CURE A 'MOTORMOUTH' Q: Our 8-year-old son has had some self-centeredness issues that we've been working on since he was a toddler, the latest manifestation of which is excessive, loud...
Read MoreDiscipline of a Child is not Primarily a Matter of Applying Right Consequences
Posted on 6/27/2006
CONSEQUENCES ARE IMPORTANT, BUT THEY DON'T CHANGE BEHAVIOR Last week's column left the reader in suspense. In keeping with my contrarian nature, I said that the proper discipline of a child is...
Read MoreSchool's First Grade Reward System
Posted on 1/10/2006
TEACHER'S REWARD SYSTEM IRKS PARENTS Q: Our son's new first-grade teacher gives children smiley faces for behaving properly. At the end of the week, they trade them in for prizes. On the other...
Read More4-Year-Old Being Disruptive at Naptime
Posted on 9/27/2005
STOP NEGOTIATING WITH 'MR. DISRUPTIVE' FORMULA FOR SOLVING NAP-TIME TROUBLE WORKS FOR OTHER PROBLEMS, TOO Q: My sons are 4 and 2. After lunch, I put the youngest to bed for a nap, wait until...
Read MoreDiscipline is Leadership
Posted on 6/14/2005
DISCIPLINE'S GOAL: ADULTS WITH CHARACTER With rare exception, today's parents believe discipline is all about the clever manipulation of reward and punishment. They think this because...
Read MoreMisbehaving Children
Posted on 4/12/2005
WHY DO PARENTS DEFEND CHILDREN'S BAD BEHAVIOR? The mother of two small children writes that when she takes them to indoor play areas she often finds herself dealing with parents who not...
Read More6-Year-Old Disruptive at Home and School
Posted on 1/18/2005
SOME OLD-FASHIONED DISCIPLINE SAVES ANGST, TIME AND MONEY A collection of "parenting shorts": First, an absolutely true story from my ever-growing "True Stories of Psychobabble" file,...
Read More4-Year-Old Misbehaving in Public
Posted on 9/21/2004
HERE'S TICKET TO REDUCING 4-YEAR-OLD'S MISBEHAVIOR Q: Inevitably, when we take our 4-year-old into a store or restaurant, he begins misbehaving. How do you discipline a child when the eyes of...
Read More16-Year-Old With Many Issues
Posted on 8/10/2004
KEEP STEPSON GROUNDED FOR COMMUNITY'S SAKE Q: Life with my 16-year-old stepson, who lives with my husband and me because his mother is a mess, has been a battle from day one. School has always...
Read More6- and 10-Year-Old Sibling Conflict
Posted on 7/6/2004
HELP CHILD LEARN TO RESPECT OTHERS' RIGHTS OLDER SIBLING'S NEED OF SOLITUDE SHOULD NOT SEND YOUNGER INTO TANTRUM Q: My 10- and 6-year-old daughters play together frequently and well....
Read More24-Month-Old Runs Away From Parent
Posted on 5/4/2004
CAN'T OUTRUN THAT 2-YEAR-OLD? OUTSMART HER Q: When I call my 24-month-old daughter to come to me, she takes off running like a bat out of you-know-where. She obviously thinks it's a game...
Read More4- and 7-Year-Olds Can't Play Nice with Cousins
Posted on 4/27/2004
LET BOYS TAKE TURNS; THEY'LL FIGURE IT OUT Q: My two sons are 7 and 4. When their cousins, who are the same ages, come over, they all go down into our basement to play. Invariably, within 30...
Read MoreToo Many Consequences for 5-Year-Old
Posted on 1/6/2004
Q: The other evening, while playing a racing game, my 5-year-old began getting upset because he was not winning, so I shut off the game. At that point, he went absolutely ballistic, screaming that...
Read More6-Year-Old - Do Consequences Carry Over to Grandparents Home Over Holidays?
Posted on 12/2/2003
MUST GRANDPARENTS ENFORCE BAN ON TV? Q: After a particularly bad week in school our 6-year-old lost TV for a month. His younger brother hasn't lost his TV privilege, so our older son goes to...
Read MoreMom Controls 8-Year-Old, Dad Rewards Her
Posted on 4/3/2001
DAD'S 'PRIZES' WILL BACKFIRE - BUT SO WILL MOM'S CONTROL GAME Q. My husband occasionally gives our very stubborn and manipulative 8-year-old daughter "prizes" for doing what she is told. The...
Read More5-Year-Old Has Friend Who Is Bad Influence
Posted on 11/14/2000
SON'S LITTLE FRIEND MAY NOT BE ONLY MISCHIEF-MAKER Q. My 5-year-old son has a little friend who seems to have a bad influence on him and I don't know what to do about it. For example, I...
Read MoreLevy a Punishment That Does Not Fit the Crime
Posted on 9/19/2000
KIDS' PUNISHMENT MUST BE STRONG ENOUGH TO MAKE AN IMPACT Some time ago (the statute of limitations has passed), a good friend told me his 5-year-old, in complete disregard of the rules, rode...
Read More4-Year-Old Smart Comments, Glaring Looks, and Deliberate Disobedience
Posted on 12/7/1999
OBNOXIOUS BEHAVIOR GETS HIM A TICKET Q. Our son, who turns 4 soon, has been going through a personality change. His once-sunny disposition has turned sour, and I don't know how to turn it back...
Read MoreDiscipline is the Process of Creating a Disciple, Someone Who Will Follow Your Lead
Posted on 7/13/1999
PARENTS IN COMMAND MAY NOT NEED TO PUNISH Q. In The New York Times, I recently read, "While research has shown that children turn out best in families in which parental demands are enforced,...
Read MoreMom Keeps Telling Children Same Things Over and Over Again
Posted on 1/12/1999
PUNISHMENT SHOULD STOP THE CRIME, NOT JUST FIT IT "I keep having to tell my children the same things over and over again,'' said the mother of three. "Things like hang up your coat' and don't...
Read MoreForget Timeout: Outrageous Behavior Deserves Outrageous Consequence
Posted on 4/14/1998
TO GET CHILD'S ATTENTION, BE AS OUTRAGEOUS AS CHILD IS The current generation of mental health professionals has given parents the impression that time-out, properly used, will end any...
Read MoreConsequences for 6-Year-Old who is Testing Parent
Posted on 2/3/1998
TO GET CHILD'S ATTENTION, TRY SOME ENFORCEMENT WHEN IT'S LEAST EXPECTED Q. My 6-year-old daughter has started to test me at every possible opportunity. Every time I tell her to do something,...
Read MoreChildren Should Be Accountable For Their Behavior
Posted on 12/16/1997
WHEN CHILD GETS TO AGE 2, PUSH HIM OUT OF PARADISE In Genesis 2 and 3, Adam and Eve - after being told not to do so - eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. When God discovers what...
Read MoreParent Can't Think of Appropriate Consequences When Children Misbehave
Posted on 10/21/1997
NO NEED TO BE QUICK ON YOUR FEET WITH WAY TO DISCIPLINE Q. At a recent talk I attended, you said that when children misbehave, they should learn that misbehavior is not "free'' - it should...
Read MoreThird Grade Teacher Dealing with Boys Who Have Difficulty With Self-Control
Posted on 3/6/1997
OK, GIVE PRAISE A CHANCE, BUT DON'T GO OVERBOARD Q. I am a third-grade teacher who is dealing with several boys who have difficulty with self-control. Our school psychologist recommended an...
Read MoreDiscipline and Punishment are not the Same
Posted on 10/14/1994
IF YOU START EARLY, DISCIPLINE CAN BE EASY I was talking to high school seniors in Carroll, Iowa, the other day when a young woman raised her hand and asked if I felt teens should be punished...
Read More5-Year-Old Refuses to go to Timeout
Posted on 10/8/1993
YOU SAY TIMEOUT DOESN'T WORK? TIE IT IN WITH PRIVILEGES, AND IT WILL Q. My 5-year-old simply refuses to go into timeout after she's misbehaved. We've actually gotten into physical struggles in...
Read MoreAppropriate Consequences for 12-Year-Old
Posted on 1/17/1992
AUTOMATIC PUNISHMENT FITS EVERY MISBEHAVIOR Q. We're having a problem coming up with appropriate punishments for our 12-year-old son. He's not a big problem, but like all children his age, he...
Read MoreRewards Do Not Work to Change Kids' Behavior
Posted on 9/13/1991
REWARDS MAY NOT HELP KIDS' BEHAVIOR REWARDS DON'T HELP KIDS CHANGE THEIR FAULTS Q. I recently attended one of your talks and was surprised to hear you say that reward-based methods of...
Read MoreDon't Reward Children for Good Behavior
Posted on 8/19/1990
REWARDS, PUNISHMENT DON'T HELP CHILDREN LEARN Q. You've written you are not in favor of giving rewards for good report card grades. Do you feel the same way about criticizing or punishing...
Read MoreConsequences for 5- and 7-Year-Old Misbehavior
Posted on 7/8/1990
TRY THIS: COMBINE TIME OUT AND PRIVILEGES LOST Q: When I have to punish one of my children, ages 5 and 7, I either use a 10-minute period of time-out in the bathroom or take away a privilege,...
Read MoreManagerial Approach to Discipline
Posted on 9/24/1989
MANAGEMENT BEATS OUT PUNISHMENT One of the most unfortunate attitudes toward disciplining children is the emphasis we place on punishment. When a child misbehaves, parents aren't likely to...
Read MoreRaising a Responsible Child
Posted on 8/30/1987
CHILDREN MUST BE TAUGHT WHEN TO FEEL GUILTY I was doing a workshop on "Raising a Responsible Child" for a group of teachers, most of whom had children. To illustrate a point, I demonstrated...
Read MoreMost Effective Time for Dealing with Misbehavior is Before it Occurs
Posted on 4/5/1987
IN CHILD REARING, STRIKE WHILE IRON IS COLD Most of us have heard the saying: "Strike while the iron is hot." It means you should seize opportunity when it's first presented. It's another way...
Read More5-Year-Old Girl Stealing and Being Manipulative
Posted on 12/29/1985
5YO STEALING MANIPULATIVE KIDS TOO YOUNG TO BE MANIPULATORS Of all the myths associated with children and their upbringing, one of the most prevalent and damaging is "The Myth of the...
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