John's Articles

Remove the Smart Phone, Regain the Child

Posted on 2/7/2017

As regular readers of this column already know, I am completely, one hundred percent opposed to children, including teenagers still living at home, being in possession of smart phones. No parent...

A Guide to Kids and Chores

Posted on 1/27/2017

<b><i>Household jobs will help your kids master the mechanics of running a home, and the skills needed for responsible living. Here's how to get them started and encourage their...

Manners More Important Than Resentful Child

Posted on 1/25/2017

“People almost invariably arrive at their beliefs not on the basis of proof but on the basis of what they find attractive.” So said 17th Century French mathematician and philosopher...

In a Family, Parents' Relationship Comes First

Posted on 12/28/2016

I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, “Who are the most important people in your family?” Like all good moms and dads of this brave new...

The Effects of 'Parenting' on Child-Rearing

Posted on 10/5/2016

In 1971, a psychologist named Fitzhugh Dodson published a book titled How to Parent. It did so well that he came out several years later with How to Father. By 1971, Dodson was one of a handful,...

Selecting the Right Private School

Posted on 8/16/2016

Q: We are looking for a private school for our 4-year-old. Regardless of the school we ultimately choose, we want to keep him there through eighth grade at least. We live in an suburban area so...

Unconditional Love and Leadership Can Change a 'Bad' Child

Posted on 5/24/2016

True story: I sent one of my more recent books to a radio talk-show host who, in turn, gave it to one of her “readers,” asking him to extract appropriate questions. Said reader, a...

Don't Turn Bedtime Fears Into a Disciplinary Issue

Posted on 4/5/2016

Q: My 6-year-old daughter watched too many episodes of a certain TV show when she was sick and now she doesn't want to go to sleep at night because she is having scary thoughts related to the...

It's Common Sense to Put Marriage First

Posted on 3/1/2016

I never cease to be amazed at the reactions people sometimes have to things I say. Most recently, a significant number of folks—women, all—were outraged over something I posted online: In a...

3 year-old Tantrums

Posted on 9/8/2015

Approaches to Dinner with 4-year-old

Posted on 7/14/2015

Should You Pay Your Child to Do Chores?

Posted on 5/5/2015

A major US newspaper recently ran a piece detailing all the ways children benefit from doing chores. Well, not all the ways. They failed to mention the most important benefit: chores, properly...

Pull-Ups & Adoption Age

Posted on 9/16/2014

Q: My 23-month-old son does well with potty training when we’re at home. We use a “potty bell” and he goes every 90 minutes or so. When we’re away from home, however, he seems clueless. He...

Staying on the Same Page

Posted on 5/27/2014

“How can my spouse and I get on the same page where the kids are concerned?” is both the most difficult question parents ask me and also the most important. It is the most difficult because each...

Defiant behavior at school

Posted on 5/13/2014

Q: For the past few months, our usually compliant 4-year-old son has been having problems with defiant behavior at school. He often refuses to do what he is told by the teacher. What concerns us...

The Ticket System for Corrective Discipline

Posted on 4/28/2014

I developed "Tickets" in response to the observation that time-out only works with children who are already fairly well behaved. (Then again, just about any demonstration of parental disapproval...

Kids Minds Do Matter - Reading vs Social Media

Posted on 4/22/2014

The Wall Street Journal says there’s no difference between a child whose primary interest is reading and a child who uses social media obsessively. In WSJ’s March 22-23 “Mind and Matter” column,...

Leadership - Being a Proper Parent

Posted on 2/18/2014

In my most popular presentation - "Parenting with Love and Leadership"™ - I reveal the secret to proper, effective discipline: to wit, acting like a superior being. Today's parents have been...

Keep a Sharp Eye on Electronics

Posted on 1/28/2014

Q: Our 13-year-old son has had an iPod for the last 3 years. We've always made use of the parental restrictions to make sure that he could only access "clean" music, movies, and websites. When I...

Discipline Problems

Posted on 10/1/2013

Most parents describe discipline problems as if they are "coming out" of their kids, that the problems in question reveal facets of their kids' personalities-things like "strong-willed."...

Nanny Interaction

Posted on 7/9/2013

A mom asked me a most interesting and currently pertinent question the other day: "How much one-on-one interaction should take place been a nanny and a child under her supervision?" The...

Gifted and Talented Programs

Posted on 6/4/2013

Q: Our 9-year-old daughter is going to the fourth grade next school year. She loves school and has always done very well. She recently took a series of tests and we've learned that she qualifies...

Parenting Stone Age

Posted on 5/7/2013

When I was a child, back in the Parenting Stone Age (a.k.a. the Parentocentric Era), your parents were the most important people in the family. They paid the bills, bought your clothes, prepared...

Attitude is everything!

Posted on 12/11/2012

Q: Our 7-year-old has always been a great, respectful, funny little kid. However, recently he started lying and become a little sneaky. We punished him by taking his television privilege away and...

Unconditional Love and Unequivocal Leadership

Posted on 8/7/2012

In the late 1960s, as psychologist B. F. Skinner's behavior modification theory made the jump from academia into popular culture, the focus in child rearing shifted from molding character to...

Give Children What They Need and Little of What They Want

Posted on 11/22/2011

Respect children; don't idolize them A young mother who identified herself as a practitioner of "attachment parenting" recently told me that "children should be approached with reverence." I...

Take the Time to Define Your Parenting Mission Statement

Posted on 9/27/2011

I've been thinking a lot lately about the difference between the way I and almost everyone else in my generation (I was born in 1947) were raised and the way today's kids are being raised. The...

Boundaries with Children

Posted on 4/12/2011

Moms must enforce boundaries with children A journalist recently began an interview with me with this question: "What is the biggest problem in American parenting today? Is it sex, drugs,...

Kids Hitting Parents

Posted on 2/22/2011

A hidden abuse problem: Kids who assault parents One of the more heartbreaking consequences of the "psychological" parenting philosophy and style that American parents began adopting in the...

Childhood Obesity

Posted on 1/11/2011

Parents can solve childhood obesity Last week I offered 15 parenting resolutions for the new year. This week, I'm making a prediction: 2011 will see the beginning of a revolution in what and...

Children's Activities Impacting Family

Posted on 6/29/2010

It's hard to be a real family when Mom is just a chauffeur Q: My husband and I have five kids ages 11, 10, 7, 5, and 22 months. I would love to keep activities to a minimum to give the kids...

Because I Said So 3

Posted on 3/24/2009

'BECAUSE I SAID SO' SHOULD SAY IT ALL Last week's column concerned the corrosive 1960s idea that children should be allowed to express their feelings freely, which all too many of today's kids...

Early is Better Than Later For Toilet Training

Posted on 10/7/2008

EARLY IS BETTER THAN LATER FOR BABY'S TOILET TRAINING I've said many times that letting a child older than 30 months soil and wet herself several times a day is an insult to the child's...

16-Year-Old Girl Tells Younger Siblings What To Do

Posted on 9/9/2008

TRY HUMOR TO DISCOURAGE KIDS' DRAMA Q. Our 16-year-old daughter constantly tells her younger siblings what to do and how to do it, and that the way they do things isn't good enough. It creates...

4-Year-Old Girl Tantrums

Posted on 8/26/2008

TELL 4-YEAR-OLD 'THE DOCTOR' SAYS TANTRUMS MUST END Q: My 4-year-old daughter still has very bad tantrums. When she does this on an outing, I immediately take her home. However, this affects...

Second Grade Girl's Teacher Does Not Correct Homework

Posted on 2/5/2008

REVIEW CHILD'S HOMEWORK IF TEACHER ISN'T CORRECTING IT Q. My daughter's second-grade teacher does not correct homework but only checks whether or not it was done. I find that my daughter often...

Parent Leadership: Effective Parents Act Like They Know What They Are Doing

Posted on 9/25/2007

A GOOD PARENT IS A DECISIVE PARENT I've said it before, but it cannot be said often enough: The discipline of a child is not accomplished by manipulating reward and punishment. Yes, a child...

4-Year-Old Boy Who Asks Nonstop Questions

Posted on 7/24/2007

CHILD'S CURIOSITY GETS OUT OF CONTROL HERE'S A WAY TO LIMIT QUESTIONS TO THOSE THAT REALLY NEED ANSWERING Q: I have a 4-year-old son who starts asking questions when he gets up in the...

3-Year-Old Going to Preschool

Posted on 1/2/2007

TODDLERS WHO DON'T GO TO PRESCHOOL UNLIKELY TO FALL BEHIND THEIR PEERS Q: At what age do you think children should start going to preschool? My son is going on 3, and he is home with me. I...

Twins in Separate Classes

Posted on 12/19/2006

PUT TWINS IN SEPARATE CLASSES? CAN'T HURT, MAY HELP, NOT VITAL Q: What are your feelings about separating twins in school? With my girls, one appears to be the leader and one the follower, but...

5- and 2-Year-Old Boys Won't Take Naps

Posted on 12/5/2006

NOW THAT THEY'RE BUNKING TOGETHER, THEY WON'T TAKE NAPS Q: My almost 5- and 2-year-old boys recently moved to a bunk bed to be in the same room. I'm delighted that they have a wonderful...

Treat Adoption as a Small Deal

Posted on 11/7/2006

TREATING YOUR CHILD'S ADOPTION AS A BIG DEAL CAN BACKFIRE LATER Long-standing readers of this column know that I believe no hoopla should or needs to be made concerning adoption. I am convinced...

5-Year-Old Enforced Naptime at School

Posted on 10/10/2006

Enforced naptime Q: My 5-year-old son started kindergarten this year. He is an active, inquisitive boy who has not taken a nap in three years. However, the school enforces a 45-minute naptime....

Adult Leadership is Key to Effective Discipline of Kids

Posted on 6/20/2006

ADULTS' LEADERSHIP IS THE KEY TO EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE OF KIDS The question journalists most frequently ask me: "Is there one question parents ask most frequently?" Actually, there is, but...

5-Year-Old Fear of School

Posted on 2/7/2006

SON'S FEAR OF BUS IS GENUINE, BUT HE CAN CONQUER HIS TERROR Q: My 5-year-old son was so nervous on the first day of kindergarten that he threw up shortly after getting there. Since then, he...

3-Year-Old Bed Wetting Issue

Posted on 1/17/2006

SPANKING IS NOT SOLUTION TO BED-WETTING BY 3-YEAR-OLD BOY Q: Our 3-year-old son has been day- and night-potty trained for nearly a year. Several months ago, just after starting preschool, he...

School's First Grade Reward System

Posted on 1/10/2006

TEACHER'S REWARD SYSTEM IRKS PARENTS Q: Our son's new first-grade teacher gives children smiley faces for behaving properly. At the end of the week, they trade them in for prizes. On the other...

3-Year-Old and Day Care Issues

Posted on 12/20/2005

FATHER LEARNS LESSON ABOUT DAY CARE The father titled his letter "You Can't Tell a Day Care By Its Cover." It told a story that has become all-too familiar over the past few years. The dad...

Child Needs to be Family Team Player

Posted on 12/13/2005

YOUR CHILD'S MOST IMPORTANT 'TEAM' IS THE FAMILY A father recently told me one reason his 10-year-old son was active in a different sport every season was "he needs to learn how to be a...

Difficult for Babysitter to Impose Discipline for 3-Year-Old

Posted on 11/15/2005

IT'S HARD FOR SITTER TO IMPOSE DISCIPLINE Q: I recently left my 3-year-old daughter with a 16-year-old baby sitter for the first time. She was fine for an hour or so and then began refusing...

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