John's Articles
Kids Need Parents Who Are Authentic Adults
Posted on 3/22/2022
The contemporary parenting ideal consists of equal parts fixer, go-fer, and friend, which is why, when it is encountered in the flesh by someone of my ancient age, the new definition of a “good...
Read MoreIs Vaping Ok for High School Senior?
Posted on 2/15/2022
Q: Our son, a senior in high school, is vaping. He claims he does it to control his anxiety. I worry about him getting into harder drugs when when he goes to college this coming fall. What’s your...
Read MoreNo New Tricks To Raising Kids
Posted on 11/30/2021
What is “gentle parenting”? It did not take much investigation for me to conclude that it is merely a rebranding of the same old, same old parenting babble America’s mental health establishment...
Read MoreUsing the ‘Dry Run’ for Tantrums
Posted on 11/16/2021
Q: My almost four-year-old daughter is generally well-behaved except for screaming and running away from me when we leave a store, the library, etc. before she’s ready to go. She pulls away from...
Read MoreChoose 1 of 2 Paths With Kids’ Anxieties
Posted on 11/9/2021
Q: I recently changed my almost 4-year-old son’s preschool. My son, once fearless, has become reluctant to simply get out of the car in the morning and go into the school. There’s always a...
Read MoreTighten Up Deadline for Adult Child To Move Out
Posted on 8/31/2021
“We should, like, what? Give him a year to figure out his life and move out?” I’m talking to the parents of a twenty-one-year-old male who instead of going to college or into the...
Read MoreMicromanagers Are Their Own Worst Enemies
Posted on 3/30/2021
To most folks, micromanagement has to do with tasks or performance. The micromanaging parent, for example, is generally thought of as one who hovers over a child’s homework or academics in...
Read MoreWhat's up With Tantrums at Age 5?
Posted on 3/16/2021
Q: My 5-year-old continues to throw tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. His father and I are divorced. I have primary custody. He is with his dad every other weekend, basically. My ex- has very...
Read MoreNo Perfectly Reliable Form of Discipline With a Toddler
Posted on 9/2/2020
As just about everyone who has lived with a child for more than two years knows, the most potentially dangerous thing one can say to a toddler is “no.” That single syllable strikes deep into the...
Read MoreHow to Prevent the Terrible Twos From Becoming the Terrifying Threes
Posted on 7/21/2020
One of my books, “Making the ‘Terrible’ Twos Terrific!”, has recently become a best-seller in China, of all places. Seriously! What sorts of problems are Chinese parents having with their...
Read MoreKeep Calm and Carry On
Posted on 3/24/2020
Vital to a child’s sense of well-being are parents who act competent to provide adequate provision and protection under any and all circumstances. I often refer to that obligation...
Read MoreThe Biggest Mistakes Parents Make (and How to Stop Making Them!) - Part 2
Posted on 2/11/2020
This is the second in a series of three columns on the Biggest Mistakes Parents Make (and How to Stop Making Them!). Last week, I identified giving children explanations for parental instructions,...
Read MoreFather's Visitation With Child Should Be Allowed
Posted on 1/15/2020
Q: Our ten-year-old granddaughter lives with us. We have custody of her but her father, our son, is now asking us for visitation privileges. I probably don’t need to tell you that both he and his...
Read MorePunishing Children for Bad Behavior Is Not Bad Parenting
Posted on 1/7/2020
This is the last (for a while, anyway) of three columns in which I take on the absurd notion that punishing children for bad behavior is bad parenting. There is commonsense and there is nonsense...
Read MoreCo-Sleeping Is Detrimental to Marriage
Posted on 9/11/2019
A New York writer named Jonathan Daniel Stern, writing in the August 7, 2019, issue of the e-zine “Fatherly,” laments that co-sleeping has destroyed his marriage. As best as I can figure, Stern...
Read MoreToday's Parents Afraid Kids Won't Like Them
Posted on 8/13/2019
Short questions I’ve been asked of late (mostly by journalists) and proportionately short answers: Q: Is there a single most important thing parents should be teaching during their children’s...
Read MoreTeach Child to Gain Control of Feelings
Posted on 7/30/2019
As I crisscross the country in public speaker mode, I poll people in various demographic categories. I ask how they were raised, what their parents were like, how their parents disciplined, how...
Read MoreGrandparents Are the Glue That Bonds the Family
Posted on 5/7/2019
“When are you going to write a book on grandparenting?” is a question asked of me by lots of folks, most of whom – no surprise here – are grandparents. My stock answer: “I...
Read MoreFreedom Lost on the Children of Today
Posted on 4/30/2019
My wife and I spent two days in my hometown of Charleston, South Carolina, recently. As we always do, we walked around my boyhood neighborhood – the South-of-Broad historic district (back then,...
Read MoreChild Raising vs Parenting
Posted on 4/23/2019
There is child raising and there is “parenting.” America replaced the former with the latter in the 1970s and it’s been downhill ever since. My mother – a single parent during...
Read MoreYou Can't Win 'Em All
Posted on 3/5/2019
I’ve been writing this column for forty-three years and speaking publicly for nearly as long. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that when it comes to my subject matter, you can’t win ‘em...
Read MorePublic Education Myths and Facts
Posted on 2/6/2019
As regards nearly every public policy topic these days, myths abound, but few mythologies rival that of public education. A sample: <b>Myth: Smaller classrooms promote better...
Read MoreThe Children-Need-Lots-Of-Attention Myth
Posted on 1/22/2019
One of the more difficult facts for today’s parents, as a rule, to wrap their heads around is the…I’ll say it again, with emphasis…FACT that children do not need (as a general rule) a lot of...
Read MoreLet Your School-Aged Kids Dress Themselves
Posted on 1/9/2019
“So, anyway, after they take showers I lay out their school clothes for the next day. And then….” “Hold on right there,” “How old are your girls again?” “Um,...
Read MoreFeelings: To Express or Not to Express?
Posted on 1/2/2019
Feelings are a wild card. On the one hand, the ability to experience deep emotion is one of the things that defines us as human. On the other, feelings can be and often are destructive to...
Read MoreFoundation to Parenting Begins With Marriage
Posted on 10/31/2018
In an opinion piece recently featured on FoxNews.com, Jonathan Pokluda explicates his Ten Habits of Extraordinary Parents. Pokluda, a teaching pastor at a mega-church in Texas, and his wife are in...
Read MoreMake 'Em an Offer They Can't Refuse
Posted on 10/16/2018
When I was a child, my most important possession was my bicycle, followed closely by my radio. My bike was how I got around. I rode it to school, friend’s houses, pick-up...
Read MoreThe Realities of Parenting
Posted on 10/10/2018
PARENTING REALITY, PART ONE: It is all but inevitable that after rattling off a list of provocative, sociopathic stuff his or her child is doing and usually has been doing for quite some time, a...
Read MoreHappy Campers: Why Summer Camps Are Good for Children
Posted on 7/17/2018
If your child isn't attending an organized camping program this summer, he or she may be missing out on opportunities for growth in a several areas. There are now more than 14,000 day and...
Read MoreAdults, Children Must Maintain Relationship Boundaries
Posted on 6/20/2018
A column of mine that originally appeared in January of 2017 has been circulating on the Internet ever since, accumulating over a million hits to date. In a nutshell, its message is simply that...
Read MoreChildren's Hearts Rule Their Heads
Posted on 5/16/2018
When I was in college and grad school, other students – mostly the “jock” and fraternity crowds – called me all sorts of names because, being the lead singer in a popular campus rock band, I...
Read MoreLet Kids Run Their Own Sports Programs
Posted on 2/28/2018
Thirty-something years ago in this column, I offered a free (expenses-only) speaking engagement to any community that would abolish all adult-organized-and-run children’s sports programs...
Read MoreParents, Not Teachers, Are the Reason for Decline in Education
Posted on 10/12/2017
Richard Louv, author and former columnist for The San Diego Union-Tribune, began a column in the mid-90s as follows: "At the beginning of the school year, it's good to remember the key to...
Read MoreKey to Toilet Training Success: Start Early
Posted on 8/2/2017
Q: Our twin girls will be three in a few months. Our pediatrician recommended that we start toilet training at 32 months, which we did. After several months and lots of gnashing of teeth, one of...
Read MoreControl the Controller, Defeat the (Video Game) Addiction
Posted on 7/26/2017
Have you ever heard of an addict who was cured of his or her addiction because someone limited, but did not eliminate, their access to the substance or behavior in question? No, you have not. Is...
Read MoreAre You a Parenting Wreck? This Quiz Will Tell You
Posted on 7/4/2017
Do you need a parent-nanny? Not a nanny for your child, mind you, but one for YOU! I recently introduced my readers to what I call “upside-down, inside-out and turned around...
Read MoreDo Classroom Reward Systems Undermine Parental Authority?
Posted on 5/18/2017
<b>Q. My daughter's kindergarten teacher is using a reward system to manage classroom behavior. Children earn smiley faces for good behavior and can trade them in for prizes at the end of the...
Read MoreThe Fundamental Rules of Parenting
Posted on 3/28/2017
Q: You seem to blame all of America’s parenting woes on mental health professionals and imply that if parents still raised kids as did people in the 1950s and before, they wouldn’t be having the...
Read MoreChildren Need Adults Who Are Worthy of Being Paid Attention
Posted on 3/21/2017
Once again, a reader proves that parenting must be added to religion and politics as verboten subjects for polite conversation. A column I published back in December of 2016 went viral...
Read MoreHome Alone: Is Your Child Ready?
Posted on 3/9/2017
For some folks, the phrase "latchkey child" rings of parental neglect. Yet, unlike in the movies, most kids who are left unattended in an empty house do just fine, emotionally and otherwise....
Read MoreMake American Parenting Great Again!
Posted on 3/8/2017
The problem in American parenting is the 1960s. Among other things that defined that very interesting decade was the replacement of rationality by emotionality. It was during the 1960s that the...
Read MoreRemove the Smart Phone, Regain the Child
Posted on 2/7/2017
As regular readers of this column already know, I am completely, one hundred percent opposed to children, including teenagers still living at home, being in possession of smart phones. No parent...
Read MoreA Guide to Kids and Chores
Posted on 1/27/2017
<b><i>Household jobs will help your kids master the mechanics of running a home, and the skills needed for responsible living. Here's how to get them started and encourage their...
Read MoreManners More Important Than Resentful Child
Posted on 1/25/2017
“People almost invariably arrive at their beliefs not on the basis of proof but on the basis of what they find attractive.” So said 17th Century French mathematician and philosopher...
Read MoreIn a Family, Parents' Relationship Comes First
Posted on 12/28/2016
I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, “Who are the most important people in your family?” Like all good moms and dads of this brave new...
Read MoreThe Effects of 'Parenting' on Child-Rearing
Posted on 10/5/2016
In 1971, a psychologist named Fitzhugh Dodson published a book titled How to Parent. It did so well that he came out several years later with How to Father. By 1971, Dodson was one of a handful,...
Read MoreSelecting the Right Private School
Posted on 8/16/2016
Q: We are looking for a private school for our 4-year-old. Regardless of the school we ultimately choose, we want to keep him there through eighth grade at least. We live in an suburban area so...
Read MoreUnconditional Love and Leadership Can Change a 'Bad' Child
Posted on 5/24/2016
True story: I sent one of my more recent books to a radio talk-show host who, in turn, gave it to one of her “readers,” asking him to extract appropriate questions. Said reader, a...
Read MoreDon't Turn Bedtime Fears Into a Disciplinary Issue
Posted on 4/5/2016
Q: My 6-year-old daughter watched too many episodes of a certain TV show when she was sick and now she doesn't want to go to sleep at night because she is having scary thoughts related to the...
Read MoreIt's Common Sense to Put Marriage First
Posted on 3/1/2016
I never cease to be amazed at the reactions people sometimes have to things I say. Most recently, a significant number of folks—women, all—were outraged over something I posted online: In a...
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