What is an appropriate afterschool game plan for a 1st grader and 3rd grader? Can you give me some advice on how to handle homework, chores, and bedtime for this age? What type of expectations should we have?
I love this question, mostly because so many parents start the school year without even considering what kind of after school schedule their kids should have. We get so focused on school, we forget there's other hours in the day that need our careful consideration as well.
I'm of the firm belief that less is more when it comes to kids and their schedules. As a result, our four kids do very little compared to my kids' peers--and frankly, they like it that way. Maybe because that's what they've always known, but I think it's because we give them plenty of time to be kids--carefree and footloose, so to speak.
Here's how you can come up with a schedule that will work for your entire family. Jot down your priorities as a family. For us, it's eating dinner together and having time to relax (in other words, free time!) and having a flexible schedule that allows us to visit grandparents frequently and do things together as a family, and keeping Sundays blocked off for church and family. That means we tend to avoid signing up for things that involve dinner time practices or that have regular Saturday events or games.
Our kids have lots of daily and weekly chores. For first and third graders, such chores might be loading the dishwasher, setting/clearing the table, taking out the trash, making lunches (and making their own breakfast), being responsible for their belongings, sweeping floors, mopping floors, taking care of a family pet's food/water, etc. I have a chore book that outlines age appropriate chores on my website (only $2.99) that also gives instructions on common chores.
Bedtimes for these ages should be between 7 and 8 p.m., leaning toward earlier. They will be more tired at the start of school and kids need lots of sleep! Sleep should be a top priority, over sports and other activities. Kids who don't get enough sleep don't do well in school, etc.
Some elementary schools are finally seeing the wisdom of NOT assigning homework or very little homework especially in the lower grades, but if yours isn't one of them, then my advice is to stay out of homework as much as possible. I set an end time that homework had to be done (generally a half hour or so before the child's bedtime), and then let the child decide when to do it. Some kids like to tackle it right away after school, while others need to play in the fresh air before their brains are able to handle more school work. If your child is struggling with homework directly after school, you might need to suggest a break before homework. Give the child space to do it, and don't hover, etc.
One rule in our house that has served us well is that we never signed any papers or helped with any projects, etc., in the morning--that cut down on the AM chaos and also helped our kids to make sure everything was ready for the next day the night before. Yes, there have been tears when a child realized she'd forgotten to get our signature on something, but when we stood firm on that policy, the child also learned not to wait until the last minute on things.
Overall, make sure your kids have plenty of free time. Play is essential to their well-being and academic success. I'd go so far as to say that free time for play is even more important than organized sports. Free play develops your child's imagination and rejuvenates their mental and physical well-being.
Let me know how it goes, and hang in there!
Sarah Hamaker, Certified Leadership Parenting Coach
Author of Ending Sibling Rivalry, out now!
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