School/Parent Disagreements

Question

My husband and I attended our fourth grader's parent teacher conferences last night...
We are trying desperately to give our 10-year-old son a sense of responsibility in relation to his grades and homework. Therefore, we are not forcing him to do homework, checking his work after school, etc. (We are following Ending the Homework Hassle's guidelines.) It was brought up at the conferences that our son has an F in reading, which is no doubt because he refuses to read outside the classroom. We are aware of this, and are implementing our consequence strategies.
Then, his teacher comments that my husband and I are "depriving your son of valuable participation points when you refuse to sign his assignment book." We are not refusing to sign it! We are not being asked to sign it (by our son) and I doubt that it is coming home. She also mentioned that, "Your lack of parenting and supervision are directly effecting our son's grades and will continue to do so if you refuse to participate in his education." RUDE!!
To top it off, all of this was said right in front of our son, who can now blame US for his bad grades.Ugh! At present, he has 4 A's and 1 B in addition to his F in reading. His current teacher's attitude is, unfortunately, a repeat of second and third grade. I spoke to her earlier this year and she seemed very nice and level-headed. Should I consider moving my son to another school? There are a few private school options where we live. Am I being a big baby? My husband and I are both still reeling a bit from being called bad parents...holding him accountable is still the right call, right?

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